he polished the sea-lights
while a thousand sun-downs
chewed on my opiated poetry.
i traced indian summers
on the back of his hand;
his body was the bermuda
and i was lost in his breathing.
i burned into his hands
as he bathed me with gasoline -
i was a star in his fist until
he released me to the hounds.
Author notes
30 mins
30-60 words
Prompt -
Opeth ::
To Bid You Farewell lyrics
"I am awaiting the sunrise
Gazing modestly through the coldest morning
Once it came you lied
Embracing us over autumn's proud treetops
I stand motionless
In a parade of falling rain
Your voice I cannot hear
As I am falling again
Devotion eludes
And in sadness I lumber
In my own ashes I am standing without a soul
She wept and whispered: "I know..."
We walked into the night
Am I to bid you farewell?
Why can't you see that I try
When every tear is shed
Is for you?"
A contest entry
- Bang me.. Quickly.. for a quickie? by Naridill.
400 points, ended September 23, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is so very breautiful, thanks for sharing this wonderfully written poem.
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Your writing is just laced with that utter sadness for the one you love and the silly mistakes we do when we lose them. I felt the sad despair in this one but the beauty of every line and the diction is always perfection in your writing. Best to you in the contest sweetheart
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Wow, this was strong and darka swell as ensual, I really enjoyed reading it...especially the first lines. Want to read more when i have time...
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lovely
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Oh, I lovelove your writing :]
I especially loved these images:
"while a thousand sun-downs
chewed on my opiated poetry."
"i traced indian summers
on the back of his hand;"
You have such an amazing way with words, don't ever stop writing. Good luck in that contest! =]
♥
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stunning stanzas
each one left me breathless 
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Well now hell yea, this one I can understand!!!
Nicely done... Scott
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OMG this is breathtakingly amazing, I'm gobsmacked!!!!!
OK now seriously this is all great, but the second stanza pinned me down and wouldn't let me breathe till I'd read it several times!
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I love the title, and the ending. Well, I love the entire thing, but those two are my favorite parts. I'm favoriting you, btw.
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You are on fire!!!
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Stark ending, simply stellar!
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BravoooO!!!
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