Your power is killing me,
taking my life
yet it is you that gives me power
every time I pray to you,
on my knees I beg,
for you to free me,
but to never leave me
with you I am nothing
without you I have it all
but I need you to give me something
I need you to help me fall
What did you think
Comments
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first off, switch the text color. drove me crazy reading it. also, you rhymed in the end but not the beginning - did you mean to do that?
i liked the poem, especially the last line. it really hit home - "I need you to help me fall." It's powerful. good job, nice write :]
reviewback xx -
Welcome to Allpoetry
First of all, am I correct in guessing that this is about an eating-disorder? if not, please tell me what your topic is; I'd quite like to know.
Second: PLEASE change the text-colour. White-on-white is impossible to read, and I had to highlight it to be able to see the words... Not good, if you want to keep your readers' attention.
One thing I noticed is that you switch from free-verse to rhyme about halfway-through. My suggestion to you is to pick one or the other and stick with it; it's a lot-less confusing to your readers when the rhythm is consistent.
Well done, and keep up the good work.
Laura
Site Greeter
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