Hush Darling, your skin is frozen white.
I bade you stand still and listen
to the nothing.
My arms around you I am an orchard
that the screaming wind will break upon.
Drumming warmly at its very heart
there is only the singing of jays;
silence hath soothed the apples mellow
blue-eyed and staring at my lips.
And so this fruit you thirst
step closer and take its drink.
Your head is pounding hard and offbeat
so take heed and follow my steadfast rhythm.
My hand is outstretched for you.
With butterflies resting in my palms
I am a comely dryad dressed of my tree
calling out to you the myriad wood
The softest light you’ll ever know
I am a beacon of its magic to coax you
into the circle of my steady arbour.
Our footsteps are feint and echoed
by the swing of my hips, and gently
a mirror of the tenderness in my voice.
Down by the oaks where I sing
this lullaby for you
If you can’t dream of it all,
can I be the tendrils that weave
the lavender in your hair?
Hush darling, jaded even by the forest green
know that it is autumn now.
Today, as the vine tree told me
it all turns a new bright colour.
Author notes
This is written with a person in mind...who is going through the motions. Mainly stressful event after stressful event...so I want him to know I am strong if he's willing to lean on me. The message is, it will all get better. Just come away with me for awhile.
Comments
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Warm.
The title reminded me of a very famous song by a band called The Misfits. The song title was called "Die, Die My Darling". This is nothing like that song. But it's great. Stress is something we either cope with or don't. Sounds like your friend needs more hours squeezing in the day. I don't have that problem anymore, since I went platinum in 2004. Anyway, the write was good. And It's worth 3 applause. But guess what? I can't give you 3 because I'm new on allpoetry, so can only give you 1 unfortunately. Rest assured, that my score of 1 is by no means a reflection of the quality of the prose. Your poem is worth 3 applause.
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Oh, I know of the Misfits. Thank you for your comments. 1 applause certainly says more than no applause so thank you very much.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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Perhaps I will learn how to write more about nature here
This is lovely in its description of course. Very fine details that lend to the autumn theme.
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Thank you very much.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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There is such gentle tenderness in this beautiful and most hopeful piece. You offer a wonderful gift to your friend. Thank you so much for sharing this with The Blue Lamp. ~Pamela
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Thank you so much for the wonderful comment. Thank the heavens it's autumn now.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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This is such an elegant write, immediately bringing
sensations of security and warm bliss. I felt the
care as a tangible thing. I identify so readily with the
persuasion of trees being the wise and caring soul
that one knows is always strong enough to bear
confessions of hurt and bewilderment. I did question
some changes in tense, but it was brief and ultimately
did not apply to the response I was left with.
Blue
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Thank you so much for your comments. I've always felt comfort in the trees and for this person I want to be as strong as an oak tree. I'll look over the tense change as well.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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This is a lovely bid to ask someone to enter your willing arms. I liked the tree metaphor (and the page design was perfect) but a few simple tweaks would have make it ever better. Instead of using "arms" you could use "limbs" which is consistent with humans and trees and dryads. I would also eliminate "hips" and perhaps substitute branches. I hope he will lean on you. Peace, Liz
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Thank you very much for your suggestions. I guess I should complete the metaphore now that I figured out I was using one, lol.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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yes....some days are diamonds and some days are stone....
and dear one, this is one of my favorites of yours...well ...it just became such..
putting aside the message for one moment i must say in my opinion how perfectly this is written.....i tell you time and time again to try to get your work into mag's...newspapaers....just start sending it out...
keep pluging at that Village Voice site i left you a while ago.....it took me about...no kidding....17....18....submisions before I got in......and thats a paying gig....
but your so talented its almost intimidating....lol...
your an immediate writer......you see...you feel....it its on paper...spontaneous ..prolific and beautiful is your gift....
..Our footsteps are feint and echoed
by the swing of my hips, and gently
a mirror of the tenderness in my voice.
Down by the oaks where I sing
this lullaby for you...
this and all your work.....it speaks to the heart directly.....
i enjoy comments that are left about the subject matter....
but in reality it does not take a poet to mention subject matters....it takes a poet
to make the subject beautiful....losing love...gaining love being lonely ..being happy...does not make anyone a poet.....
conveying it in terms of the heart does...everyone has a heart...only a poet such as you knows it's language....we all have a heart beat ...but only the true poet puts it to music.....
I have always sincerely thought of you as one of these gifted people.
your a special lass...you will always be the quintessential poet in my eyes...
your a must read for any thinking writer.
Bless you alway
little gypsy,
Liam
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I'm speechless, haha.
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Our footsteps are feint and echoed
by the swing of my hips, and gently
a mirror of the tenderness in my voice.
Down by the oaks where I sing
this lullaby for you
I loved this part but a question Is feint supposed to be faint or feint?
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Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Thank you so much for the comment! I do believe it's suppose to be faint...oh, typos.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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"...can I be the tendrils that weave
the lavender in your hair?"
There are some delightful passages in this write poet! Good work.
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Thank you very much. ^_^
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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For me there are a few to many 'well used phrases' scattered within the poem, while you carried the metaphor through well these distracted this reader.
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Hmmm, any more specific? I'm curious. Haha
Thank you for the comment.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~ -
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Frozen white skin
Screaming wind
fruit, thirst, drink
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it but these three especially distracted me. -
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Oh, it's all dandy. Was just curious. It's my nature!
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This shows a great wish to help, to be of use to someone in their own troubles. Yet you have carried the metaphor of tree unevenly, when you also have hands and hips, and walk. I also wonder at the archaic 'hath' in the poem, the use seems misplaced.
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I'm usually very unaware when I use metaphore so now that you mention it...there is one, haha! Thank you for the comment. I'll definately look into your suggestions.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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Excellent
The expression of your willingness to comfort and aid this person with out expecting any return is very moving.The metaphors are just fantastic, at first I thought you were talking about a tree.
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Thank you very much for your comments. I don't expect anything in return. I'll be rewarded enough if I can make him smile.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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I think the main thing here is the feeling throughout, you are trying to impart 'soothing'... with a little enticement thrown in for good measure... (hey, maybe that's the ticket...)
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Haha, let's not forget the enticement. Thank you for the comment.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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gorgeous imagery as per usual.
i always like to read your AN before i read the poem so i know what you're talking about / what the message shall be. the most fun part to write!
absolutely stunning, hope your friend feels better soon.
chin up,
swim.x
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Thank you for your comments, always.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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arbour....?....harbor? as in safe harbor?
or arbor, like the tops of trees tied together to form a tunnel-like formation, popular at weddings and bar mitzvahs worldwide?? lol
beautiful, if this person does not see how absolutely golden you are, then toss him like a ripe tomato. Life's too short to fix anyone, or their problems-so says the martyr as she tries to save everyone except herself
sigh...but advice is easy, and free-lucky you
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Arbour...as in arbor. That word gets a 'u' from me, haha. I can't fix his problems or even pretend I can give him sound advice on them but I can let him rest his head on my shoulder or let him sleep next to me if he likes. If he needs to yell, I'll listen to him. It's ok to be mad. I think that's what I'm going for here. I hope he see something in me, I just want to be there for him but he likes to hide away sometimes.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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don't we all?
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And
As I have always said, your stars grows brighter each and everyday. Thus new hope is given to the true meaning of poetry. My envy becomes apparent.
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Thank you so much.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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I confess I was taken away by your lovely new picture.
you're so pretty
okay, Im gonna go read it again, just stop smiling at me
lol
love,
jin
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Haha! Thank you, you're so sweet!
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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