Flask of Stoneblood

In order to make you happy, I have to become something I’m not.
You want me to care and yet give you your space;
To harden everything inside of me and yet find a way to care.
Just like that, you want me to flip a switch and become immune to everything.

[beep beep beep beep]

Every time that text message tone goes off, I know who it’s from.
It’s from him, the guy who is the only one to make me jealous.
I cringe and my heart tightens because deep down I know
That you reply to him more than you ever did to me, and we’re together.

[or at least I think we are]

You don’t want to ruin everything that I have, and yet you and I both know
If I did anything like what you’re doing to me, you would have left.
You want me to be this fake ideal of perfection.
Here when you want me to be and gone when you don’t.

[It hurts to pretend]

It hurts to pretend that I don’t care or that he doesn’t bother me.
It hurts to know he gets more alone time with you than I do anymore.
It hurts me to know that when everything is finished,
I won’t be able to change back and become the person you loved.

[but you asked for this]

It’s as if I drank a flask of stone blood and drew myself away.
You asked me to shut myself down - to stop my feelings.
Well, I can’t pick and choose what I stop, so everything stopped.
I can say that the only thing that bothers me, is when I look at you.

[I feel nothing]

Not lust, love or even friendship; no connection what so ever.
When I look at you, I don’t feel alive or broken.
It’s as if by doing what you want, you’d damned me to purgatory;
That invisible plateau that has locked me away from you in every way.

[sadly you don’t even care]

You want to start over, to fix what we have done. To rewind.
Face the facts, we can’t go back to what we were because we will worsen what we are.
I’ll be your damned brick wall and that emotionless face in the crowd.
In the end, you’ll realize, wanting this was your biggest mistake.

[by then….it will be too late…]