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Tale Of A Warrior

I stand tall and alone,

Unafraid of the evil creatures that are shown,

Surrounded by decaying flesh and bones,

Thinking about lost friends and family got me stuck in a trance,

Filling up full of emotions while the darkness glance,

Right now i can care less about death this is my chance,

Slaying all that lye in my path to release my pain,

From this revenge i have nothing to gain,

But i will not be refrained until nothing lives on this plain,

Eyes are smoke filled,

Hands are numb and I feel drained,

Happy knowing they didn't die in vain,

The quest is now over but when i return what will they choose to label me as a hero or villain,

People of churches think of me as evil yet people of sin think of me as good,

Who decides whats good or evil if you do evil for good and good for evil.

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • Virulent Malice
    October 28

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    Could be better without the rhyme. The rhyme dictates the pace and flow of your poem. The rhymes were a bit measured and I could tell where the poem was going to go from a line to the next because I knew what rhymes you were going to use.


  • Roy Flynn silver member
    October 8

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    i really enjoyed this, i'm usually not for the rhyme scheme however you made it work, doing 3 lines of rhyme at a time. You also had some great imagery here. Your flow was a bit shakey at times, but over all ust an excellent piece

    "Who decides whats good or evil if you do evil for good and good for evil."

    This last line was just epic and perfect. Your really tied it up amazingly.

    I look forward to reading more, thank you. Much love


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 27

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    Lots of words that draw us in and have us pondering about good and evil...death, loss, and loves losses....An evocative thought provoking write...I like it!


  • LionessK silver member
    September 24

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    welcome to allpoetry

    You have many great lines written here. The way it is set up though it seems/sounds kind of like a bunch of statements instead of a flowing poem. Breaking the lines up differently and possibly into stanzas (not necessarily). Try reading what you have out loud and listen to how your thoughts should flow and where the natural breaks should occur. Just a thought/suggestion.
    You are off to an excellent start here.

    Keep writing on and enjoy your time on the site.