One minute I want to tear you apart
And rip you to shreds so you can feel pain in your heart
You can cry the tears I have cried knowing what I saw
Forgiveness will never be here at all
Can't trust the monster you have turned in to
You did this on your own words and actions are true
It has come to this what I have feared
But hating you is becoming weird
My anger has become a hatred so strong
You might as well be gay and wear a thong
Its obvious your lying to me
And everyone you see
My blood races in a tight hold
To throw every part of you in to the deep blue sea
Days go by and I wish you were dead
So I wont have to see the love I lost
I even thought maybe I should chop off my head
Hiding old pictures knowing if I see them
I will burn them like I did the other sixteen
An emotion to murder becoming in unstopable to avoid
Even though I try to look at other boys
You better hope you wish you were dead
Because of these evil thoughts are coming to my head
You deserve every horrible fate I imagine and more
This is a curse on you yourself has bore
An evil? how strange it can quickly change
From love to hate so quick
I should get kerosene and light a match stick
Light you on fire, watch you burn in your lies
It's not like before you been there, but to stay in the fire
To hear your screams shrill as if you are on a highwire
Remember this: The truth can't hide
What is worse?
I can't believe I loved you at first!
Joke is on me Cupid
I thought this fool wouldn't be so stupid!
The pagans and wiccans are my friends
All the way to your very end
The torture dolls are handy
While I laugh at your fate even when drinking a bit of brandy
Pray these spells dont come true you better hope
Don't make you high on dope
A needle, a exacto knife to kill
To try to make your pain a shrill
Going in to the soft cloth, a stand of hair
Your going to wish your body dont look like a bear
Soon you will see your luck has changed
And you are to blame
Then we will find a high perch for the doll
Watch you fall on your feet in a fall
Blood splatters pavement I hope
Death: Your family will learn to cope
Go to hell where you belong
Because my love is long gone
Author notes
Ya, the viewers of Ap and my favorites as always, the ones who dont back stab me, 
Someone had the nerve to piss me off more and this is what you get . Sorry you had to see this but comment at your will to the poem. If I didnt write this poem, lets say I would be looking for my old marine knife, some karosene and matches. Ha! Ha! (evil laugh from hell the jerk deserves!) Well your question is Why is it called sixteen candles burned? simple been through sixteen boyfriends since I was 14 years old , and tradition has it for me to burn things relating to the ex-boyfriend after we break up so I can attempt to burn emotion out of me from the item of the man it reminds me of.
Hey, guys letting some steam off because of a pestering jerk who had to ask a dumb question and heres my response.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Your emotion of hate and anger runs throughout the poem, all together it is a good poem. But here comes the part I hate, me being mean. You have several miss spellings and words that should be compound words, rather then an individually placed. Those are only minor mistakes, it does kind of hurt the flow of the poem, but as I said before the poem was brilliantly written.
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THis is a great poem you wrote, filled with aminosity and hatred. You will be a better person if you just let it go. I had a simular experience and after what was done to me hatred is the last thing I would feel, you always feel bitter but think of it this way, what goes around comes around and they will get theirs in the long run. In my heart, I may not forget but forgiveness is always what I feel. I am glad you got your emotions out in this poem, its good you get things off your chest and are able to write about it. Well done dear poet!!!
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My gosh!!! I am still wheeling from the strong emotions I felt flying from this piece. It is different, that's for sure. I hope I didn't piss you off. If I did let me know so I can stay clear of your wrath.The following line was a bit confusing to me.
"You better hope you wish you were dead"
Should it be worded differently? Maybe it's me. Also, in a couple of places you used "dont" and other "don't". I don't think it matters in personal poems. It's up to you the poet, but I do feel you should be consistent with them. There seems to be a lot of hatred in this piece. I write to let things out to keep from hurting or worst. This is good therapy... I should know I do it all the time.....
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Definately feel the emotion thereStrong stuff!
Some bits i feel like ur trying 2 hard to make it rhyme.
Eg. "So I wont have to see the love I lost
I even thought maybe I should chop off my head"
Thats just one example where the wording doesn't quite fit, but you were maybe going for the rhyme more than anything else.
I keep putting my own commas in to places cause you don't have any...
E.g "Can't trust the monster you have turned in to
You did this on your own words and actions are true" I needed a breath so i had to make one up myself in there.
I did like the end verse. You capured everything nicely to sum up basically. So really just re read the poem at a slow pace taking in each word and seeing if it fits in with the verse. SO just a few re touching up in my opinion and its all Goooood
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Wow honey
Its good you can get this anger out and be rid of those heart aches .May I ask you a question with these boyfriends isa there anything sexual involvment for if their is that is why you keep losing and feeling this pain .You can love someone and never have sex and if you think about it all guys will make out like your the only one untill they get what they want then they disapear as fast as they appeared . Never give yourself to anyone for to do so then its just love on loan that eventually will leave withut a care in the world .I do hope in the future you will tell all boys no for they are just learning love themselves dont be the one they pracrice on for the pain is oftwen unbearable
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well, brian
I was at a point sexually involved with , but he wasnt a booty call we actually had a time when I wasnt interested in sex during our relationship and hang out everyday and night when not studing with my head in a book for class. So I think there was real love there . I broke up with him becuse I didn't feel loved or noticed, I did everything I could to get him to realize the mistake he is making by paying more attention more to a woman he dont even love. Plus I saw my ex-bestfreind and Brian hanging out at the sonic last night down town that pissed me off bad, but thats low I am sorry, anyone but her and be discreet about it I otld him, is all I ask for my pride and sake if he cares at all.
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A really good write of raw emotions There is a hair line between love & hate
Having had sixteen boyfriends you should really know when you meet the 'right'
one for you .As they say there are plenty more fish in the sea. !!!! You may
have to go 'fishing' in different places !!
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Shelby,
the awkward spots is what I mean what I say in the poem, "It's not like before you been there, but to stay in the fire
To hear your screams shrill as if you are on a highwire" refers to when he lite himself on fire almost on accident , he didn't draw a line out from the junk pile we burning and he was to close with that match and fuel on it so we went running from the blaze when we were dating, funny story, he thought he was brave and he was worried that he almost killed me from his stupidity in that incident which is kinda funny. Lol . -
yeah thats me
the girl who cant find true love no matter how good she has been to these guys and trying to protect them. I have gone out of way several times for his ass I wish he would die in a since or transfer elsewhere or go to his dads and live in Vermont where I dont have to be reminded of the love I lost over a dead beat jerk.
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wow this poem was very intense. i see someone has made you very angry. remind me not to get on your bad side lol. just kidding. over all this was a very good poem. i like your use of emotion to show us how you feel instead of telling us. very good job. my favorite stanza in this is:
Remember this: The truth can't hide
What is worst?
I can't believe I loved you at first!
Joke is on me Cupid
I thought this fool wouldn't be so stupid!
this was the best part of the poem for me because it reminds me of what i have said so many times. however, isnt it supposed to be " worse " not " worst "?
also in the first stanza "in to" should be "into"
" An emotion to murder becoming in unstopable to avoid " this line seemed a bit akward to me. i didnt really understand what you were trying to say. maybe you should look back at it and read it out loud. it might help you to find akward spots.
like i said, over all this was a very good poem. it seemed a bit harsh but it was beautifully written. the title really captured my attention and the words held that attention all the way through which is saying a lot considering i dont usually read poetry that is this long. great job and i look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future.
<3 shelby aka AquariusAngel
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"And rip you to shreads so you can feel pain in your heart" (in this sentence you put SHREADS it should be SHREDS)
"To throw every part of you in to the beep blue sea" (In this sentence you put BEEP don't you mean DEEP)
"An emotion to murder becoming in failent to avoid" ( In this sentence not sure what you mean but I dont' think it was FAILENT for that doesn't make sense)
"Remeber this: The truth can't hide" (This sentence the world REMEBER sho;uld be REMEMBER)
"Joke is on me cupid " (In this sentence the word ((cupid)) should be ((Cupid)))
"The pageans and wickans are my friends" ( in this sentence the words PAGEANS AND WICKENS should be PAGANS and WICCANS))
"Pray these spells you better hope" ( In this sentence HUH???? It doesn't make sense. seems to be missing some words cuz it doesn't make sense as it is)
"Dont make you high on dope" (In this sentence the word DONT should have an apostrophe in it , it should be DON'T)
"Going in to the soft cloth a stand of hair" ( This sentence ((Going in to the soft cloth a stand of hair)) should be ((Going in to the soft cloth, a stand of hair)) the comma between CLOTH and A)
Other then for these things I see the poem is well written I like it and have felt this way many times. You did a good job on this piece Thank you for sharing. -
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thank you
I corrected it for the record, this poem means a bit to me to show the world that bridge is burned good like Mirranda Lambert, Kerosene and Gun Powder and Lead. Lol.
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Well Tiffany someone really made you angry!!
This poem is certainly full of raw emotion, it seems to me to be your punch bag and I hope in that way it has worked and has released some of your anger.
When you look at it again in a less emotional mood you will prabably want to trim it a little. I think just working through you can cut it back to include just the most dynamic and expressive parts to give it even more power.
Well done Tiffany this is on the way to being a brilliant poem
Cherry
xxx
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