dead butterflies are caught on the points of
rusty barbwire
dust bellows from the rear of
my 68 Cadillac
red wine flows from the bottle
that she received
from the last guy who took this road
with her
In a list
A contest entry
- sleep's not coming easy for a while, child. by she still smiles x.
2400 points, ended October 15, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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A fine tribute to that old, dusty, and best-forgotten Memory Lane!! 
This poem is worthy of the golden chalice, I say. 
Better luck next time... and keep it flowing, Poet!! 
Peace & Hugs,
xx Cyn xx
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Can almost hear the crunch of that gravel....
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Though succinct, but sometimes a few lines can convey in volumes... your words have drawn a poignant imagery ... I'm glad I stopped passing by... well done...
mina
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Oh and forgot one thing!
these...
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Thanks Miss sweetness.
Joe
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Am I hearing echos? Again--Seems so-the pastis here and always will be. When we get so overloaded with the past, is that when we need to move on to the next plain of existance, just put ourselves in HIS hands ? Do we have to get so beaten down before we realize that in HIS hands is where we should have been all a long ?
In my case, YES. When the load gets too heavy there is rest and peace in HIs Hands.
Thank you for this haunting, beautiful poem. It triggered in me a response that you hadn't expected. Then again I'am strange any way.
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This is really special.
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Your use of imagery is just beautiful. Your words are carefully placed and yet your poem retains a playful informality. Man, I love this!
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Not only is this a different type of write coming from your pen but I love it! The imagery is wonderful! Now there’s the matter of drinking and driving. LOL
Love,
Amera♥
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Amera,
Oops i got cought. uh well it is just a old dusty road, and the traffic was light.
Who gave that wine to you anyway?
Joe
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perfect movie clip moment
i loved this
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Heidi,
Hop in, we will stir up some dust.
Thanks for reading.
Joe
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poignant
You really know how to pull the reader's heart strings! Beautiful poem. Love the imagery. You are a wonderful poet.
ivoire
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ivoire
You are a wonderful poet, I just got a little inspiration with this.
Thank you for reading.
Joe
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A beautiful, yet a sad poem too!
I love it!
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every town down here had one of those "girls" way back when.... this made me sad.. so much painted in a few lines. I love it when you write this way.
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Damn.
I'm in love with this -
enough said
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Manda,
I love your comment.
Thanks,
Joe
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the opening line... wow. it's an unforgettable image.
it's so short and yet, has a mood and a place. and a story too.
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charcoal,
No where as good as one of yours.
I appreciate you reading.
Joe
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god, i love it, joe! such few words yet you let the reader into the mind of the main character...dead bugs, 68 caddy, red wine......it sure creates images in the readers mind.... bravo!
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Girl-Interrupted,
I love your comment. It means a lot to me.
Thank you for reading.
Joe
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Really great how you portray a character here without saying much at all about her. She strikes me as someone who uses others to get what she wants without thought of consequences... she's had another fall guy and apparently (from the foreboding first two images) is about to have another. It's wonderful when the images tell the story form themselves like that. We also learn a bit about the speaker because he is with her even though he seems to understand what hurt could come to him. So, he likely doesn't esteem himself highly enough to not "settle for what he can get," or is also a self-indulgent type fellow. From the image of the butterfly though, I get the feeling he's just a needy guy looking for love in all the wrong places.
What you did with the language was subtle but added some grace to these lines. I enjoyed the incorporation of all the "b" sounds... they add an abruptness to the feel when used in succession like you did. Also the interspersed rhymes "dusty/rusty" "bellows/flows" along with the careful placement of the word, "road" added a musicality to this short piece. It is freeverse, but does not lace in wonderful language manipulation. It all comes across very naturally, not like it was contrived in the author's mind, but as if it just spilled out on the page in a beautiful, ordered way. I attribute this to either your innate affinity with words (like a sixth sense), or refined, intentional placement based on skilled understanding. Either is to be desired and commended.
I like also that the title seems to add a bit to the piece. Roads is plural there. In the poem it is one single road that this chic has taken other guys down. That seems to indicate to me, that he has been down other, similar roads....in HIS dust-blowing Cadillac. It's just a small nuance... but a telling one, to my reading.
So, there's lots of great stuff in here. A poem to be proud of!
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Joe!
I couldn't of said it better then ten thousand! Wow! He does have a way with words huh?
I loved your poem, very thought provoking and mentally stimulating to say the least....and the dead butterflies.....well they probably couldn't be perceived as butterflies any longer once all that dust covered their beautiful dead wings!
Geez!
Long time Joe,
I've missed reading your stuff and this one was not disappointing!
your friend,
Annette -
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Annette,
It's been too long. I thought that you might have been stolen and shipped to Mexico.
Thanks for the great comment sweet one. I really appreciate it.
Now grab your ink pen and get with it.
Joe
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Ten,
~~It all comes across very naturally, not like it was contrived in the author's mind, but as if it just spilled out on the page in a beautiful, ordered way. I attribute this to either your innate affinity with words (like a sixth sense), or refined, intentional placement based on skilled understanding. Either is to be desired and commended.~~
Best comment ~ever! Thank you, but it was just pure luck.
Joe
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You don't post alot, but when you do... bam!
Excellent joe.
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Rowan,
Thank you, that means a lot.
Joe
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dead butterflies, what a bummer.
I would have loved to see what you could do with a bug-splattered windshield
the wine, the wine, oh you have gotta love that wine.
Wonderful writing, you're back...
yaaay,
love to you,
jin
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Jin,
Let me see bugs on my windshield...mmm..
Thank you pretty lady.
Joe
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Wow Joe.. You're the man! this is fandamntastic. It's a treat to read your work..you just need to write more often hehe Loved it!
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Linda,
thank you , my friend. I appreciate it.
Joe
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i think this is excellent, Joe, so succinct and one of your best, it's hard to travel that road with someone, when the guy she loves is still present...rolling around in the back floor.
love it, great work, wonderful imagery to get your thought/message across...
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Tara,
Thanks for all your help. I appreciate it. I think it looks good.
Joe
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