Meh.

why do you hurt people.

Well, isn't that a nifty question. The kind of question they ask not after you set an abandoned building on fire, but when you make some little kid cry. Not when you set razors against your own skin, but stick shards of broken glass into someone elses.

I hurt people, because they're happy.
and they don't deserve to be.

Somewhere out there, someone is dying. Someone is being raped. Someone is being eaten alive.

I hurt people because I got so sick and tired of being called 'emo' or 'goth' or 'depressed'. I got sick and tired of 'Cheer up,' and 'smile.'

Maybe... maybe I'm just selfish.

why is god quiet.

Because he doesn't care about you.
If he exists, he has ten thousands of other things going on right now, and you aren't doing a thing. You aren't saving a life, you're barely living your own. Why should he care?
After all, he's supposed to know -everything-. He already knows how you're going to die.
and once you've already read the last chapter- what's the point of reading the rest?

what's your worst memory.

I don't have an answer to that. I used to be able to rattle off a story like that. I used to tell people about witnessing rape, abuse, suicide.
Those aren't my worst memories anymore. Problem is, I don't know quite what is.
I can tell you about my worst feeling though.

Have you ever been numb? I'm going to go with probably so. Well, in case not though- being numb, is like being  encased in ice. You stop feeling it. You can get colder, and colder- and more depressed, and you won't notice. Jack up the heat though- and you notice. Going from numb to really happy is like that. I don't get them often, but those hours of euphoria- it's like someone dropped that ice cube in boiling water, and let it assimilate.

Eventually, someone decides to put me back in the freezer though, and I'll go back. Faster than ever, because boiling water freezes at a higher temp.

But there's that moment, where I'm still so bloody happy-
and I realize I'm going to pay for it tomorrow.
And my body won't let me stop being happy, I'm still bouncing around and giggling- but inside, I'm cussing myself out.



your darkest secret.

I'm going to pass, because I don't think I can be honest here.

your bloodiest mistake.

Being sixteen years old, and so caught up in my own damn problems- that I didn't care.
Two of my friends committed suicide/O.D.'d and I didn't care.
A few of the others came to me, and asked how I was making it through it.. and.. I just remember laughing a little. "We're all going to die. They're the lucky ones for doing it early."

Needless to say, I lost more than just those two friends last year.

your most heartless love.

Love. I don't know what you're looking for.  My first instinct was to say love of self, but that's a bald-face lie if I ever saw one. I could say love of the family, and maybe that'd work.
Loving people that only love reflections. Loving a mother that only sees her past, and how she screwed up. A sister who sees something to be manipulated. My dad.. he's pretty normal, minus the fact that he's dying.

I don't know.