this telltale soul tamed
in light of her breath;
heaven in a subtle lock of lip:
willingly I take shelter
'neath wings of solitude,
waiting for warmth
in an orlando sun.
Author notes
prompt:
"I am easily hunted,
gladly stolen,
speechless in her lips."
- White Stone
30-40 words
In a list
A contest entry
- Semi- Quickie. Gogogogogogogo!! by Mango Memories.
400 points, ended September 21, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Softly sweet.
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oh i really love the ending, and how you used neath. tis very beautiful. good luck in the contest and take good care!
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"this telltale soul tamed/ in light of her breath..." What a great way to start off such an awesome poem. I love your word choice. I think the font might have been a little too small though; perhaps you could have chosen a larger font, something a bit easier to read. Still, this was a great poem-- you said a lot in so few words.
Nicely done! -
spealistiastica!
Orlando? Forget about Orlando, the magic is found in Ocala
-Abbs
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Your words are far softer than the rigid font you chose...
but on diction alone: this I shall call true poetry.
Bravo.
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thanks.. had to balance the softness out with the font lol
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At least it's self-affirming to me that I'm still good enough to call you on it then, after such a time away
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Superb
A very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Excellent imagery. Thank you for sharing this one with us. Again well done.
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Very Good
Poetry seems to be an intricate part of your life. You can take the simplest of concepts and create magic with words that breaths life into them. Your thoughts are clear and your words are beautiful.
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Sappy? I didn't think so. I loved it. It was awesome and the imagery was amazing.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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beautiful words
the last two lines really brought this piece home for me;
i wish i had the ability to write such few words and have them be so powerful, ya know? --jealous--
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just noticed this was marked as personal... when personal and sappy come together... for a guy, at least, well... nevermind. let's just say it made me happy for you
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Gorgeous hon...
simply beautiful.
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Beautiful words
The hidden thoughts and the warmth of which one wishes to embrace
best wishes and good luck
Julie
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gold worthy
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omg this makes me gag. I don't get it. things like that has been done so many times and over and over and over. do something new and different for once
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lmao dude you have the most cliched writing i have ever seen
your comment just made me spit coffee out
hahahha i am still laughing
thank you for the sweet start to my day
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Lovely!! "Lock of lip", "light of her breath" ... all beautiful lines! Orlando is great.. though I have to say I preferred West Palm, Tampa and St Pete while I was there lol
Fantastic write that captures the prompt so well
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yes, but orlando has disneyworld...where magic happens or something like that
thank you -
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lol true I wanted to go to Seaworld but it was raining
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you know, you write with raw edge in a way others wish they could, but you write softly just as well. (i know you will probably have a retort to that, but you wont say it )
'heaven in a subtle lock of lip' ... this is one of the sexiest lines to read. i actually sighed in a slight gasp sort of way. embarrassingly i will admit that. lol. it just had that feel to it, the taste of it on my tongue as i read it aloud. i liked it.
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I too am speechless... great ending to a tiny snippet of excellence!
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lol...okay, nice take on the prompt.
Seriously though, you rocked it. Orlando? Sweet. Loved your phrasing from top to bottom in this one
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This is perfectly constructed - not one word is wasted or unnecessary and, most notably, it had great sounds which I feel added to its fluidity like willingly/wing, tale/tamed and "lock of lip" which I am particularly partial to
Again, it amazes me how much meaning you convey in so few words, every line carries weight/intent in some way. Maybe it's just me
Speaking of breath, I think I held mine the entire length of this poem; so it's a good thing it's short or I might have passed out
Heyyyy, I want to go to Orlando
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Wonder if it has to be Orlando lol or just sun in general C
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