he was homeless.
the pulse of empty streets
and hollow cans
rang softly behind battered eyes
that no one stopped to claim;
grey skies would bag them -
a passive sort of rain
that mingled dirt and sweat
with our blood's alcohol -
until the tap ran dry
and what's my name?
a shelter without cause;
memory made wane
until that pulse had paused
I knew his heart was
homeless
Author notes
Dark = things like: angst, dark emotion, sorrow, fantasy dark, scary tales
A contest entry
- Pink & Jacks - Dark & Light - a 2 Year AP Celebration - BG's & Poems by kiwigirljacks.
3500 points, ended September 28, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You show great empathy here. and an observing eye. nicely written.
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Wow, this is quite the piece, pulls you in as you read. Excellent imagery, strong throughout, I especially like the ending, added to the depth of emotion, very well penned. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Your style always captivates me! You create an atmosphere within your words. I could see him.. walking the streets, homeless... but worse than anything, homeless in his heart. Sadness done brilliantly here.
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This was very well done, my best wishes.
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Excellent!
This is very deep...a shelter without cause;
memory made wane
until that pulse had paused...Just wonderful!
A. L. O'Prunty
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"the pulse of empty streets"
<3
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This is so sad because it's true. You took a fact of life and brought it out in the open for everyone to see. Wonderfully original!
love,
Amera
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Stunning artistry...
I like the soul-touch. You asked for a critical review, but all I have to say is, I am speechless. Your stark poem is in no way "dark" - not to me, anyway - it's still making its way (flashing) through my mind, lighting up the darkened corners. Wishing you all the best in the contest!! In the meantime, I'm going to be reading more of your work. Keep it flowing, Poet... 
Peace,
Cyn
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