.:mind.of.desolate.darkness:.

I can name 6 people that would come when I'm dead....if I'm lucky, which I'm not. I would have said come to my funeral but I dont deserve one. The screams in my head are deafening me from reality. As the days linger & pass onto the next, I become more lethargic & I find it harder to continue on. Back in time I use to have a heart of gold. I cared about others & myself. I was so full of love & hope but now, I cant even recall what that girl looked like. My heart has been drenched in black from my bleeding mascara. I regret every move I've ever made. I've given up on myself & the just of humanity. Love does not exsist in my vocabulary any longer. ''L-O-V-E is just another word I'll never learn to pronounce.'' I look like death that has been revived to only die 1,000 times over again. Those that cross my path are stained with the curse of darkness. I'm just like The High Priestess that became bound to Hades forever. The one who knows the underworld's secrets but can never proclaim them.

Each night I fall victim to my own induced psychosis. It is only at that time in which I feel alive, safe, at home. ''The light shines in the darkness & the darkness will never understand it.'' We are orbiting while the Earth stands still. The dead are once again alive. The eclipse tonight is shining bright. Where is your sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man now? Cruising down the River Styx with the rest of us after his '94 suicide. ''Father, why hast thou forsaken us?'' For in our time of joy, we do not remember him, so in our time of need, he does not remember us. What about those people out there like me who do remember him & yet we are still forsaken....even worse than most? We are just an experimental play thing. People say, ''God will not give you more than you can handle.'' I believe that but ''the best part of believe is the lie.'' I want to know why he sent me here to run when I can barely stand. Tonight, tears will flood & my blood will flow. It is a self sacrifice.

Then he will deny me perfect afterlife & only then will his vengence be amused well. I am the fallen angel. I am the used & forsaken. I am the evangelist of hell. I am the mind of desolate darkness.