With a cross upon her
Neck, she fell from the sky.
Into a basket of blackened
Halos, she condemned the lie.
She stared at the skies,
Begging for rain.
She stared at the sky,
Always in pain.
She sat upon a bed,
She continued to look,
But something wasn't right
In a world that shook.
She wore a dress,
Black and white surround.
She sat there, no halo,
No life in her ground.
The papers were scattered,
She was half insane.
The lives were fading into
Her world of pain.
In the skies, He looked
Upon her fallen stature.
Her wings of white were
Dimming in fracture.
They were broken and
Falling apart that day.
They were lifeless, never
Flying, roses in decay.
She was alone, lost
In a world gone mad.
What happened to
Everyone that wasn't bad?
She wondered, she stared
Into the skies that screamed.
Her mind was astray in the
Thoughts she had dreamed.
They whispered to her some
Unspoken tales and lies.
Now she sits on the shore,
Waiting, waiting, for the byes.
Author notes
The picture is actually my inspiration, along with the title. 
- Young Poets Of The Present group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Title Contest #1 by Leanna-bean.
400 points, ended October 6, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want criticism please. Constructive would be great.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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That's a nice one dear
I like it though I would rhyme it but that's just my style
A cool emotional poem
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? I did rhyme. The second and fourth lines rhyme. I don't understand...
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I like this
this is nice it has alot of depth and i think it is wonderful you are a great writer dax :}
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This is a very nice poem great job my favorite stanzas are....
She sat upon a bed,
She continued to look,
But something wasn't right
In a world that shook.
She wore a dress,
Black and white surround.
She sat there, no halo,
No life in her ground.
The papers were scattered,
She was half insane.
The lives were fading into
Her world of pain.
They are very nice i really do like them. Keep up the good writing. Remember have fun while writing if your not having fun then your not doing it right..... ;]
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Oh, such a very sad poem, could melt a heart of granite... some really fine rhyme here, quite a nice job all around and I loved it a ton!!!
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i like the way you finished every line with the last word in the next line.
there is 1 grammar error i believe, but other wise, it's fine. i don't know how to fix your work poetically -
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"Right in world that shook."
That was the line? -
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yup
"in the world that shook" i think you meant -
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"In a world that shook" is what I think I was typing. I was typing fast, and small things can slip by. I'll go change it.
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This is a very impressive poem for someone of your age. I can see how the picture could be inspiring and it goes with the title so well! I think you have done a very good job with this...Thank you so very much for taking the time to enter my contest and good luck to you!
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