dear Lepidopterist,
i.
I am sick of your denial, plastic words wrapped up in promises and threats and my monophobia.
ii.
I am a spider, I am sick and dirty and frail. love or hate me I will come crawling back to you on eight legs, bruised knees trailing dust all over the black sheets of your bed, trembling and scarred by the memories haunting the blackest parts of my cranium,
where living, breathing shadows slide along the insides of my skull and
I tell you I can still feel it.
you cannot deny the past, dirty and rotten, and brimming with agonies that leak out of my pores and tickle my skin.
iii.
your touch seared my flesh, and I cried into your chest as you slid your probing fingers between me and my innocence, drove infinite gaps between them. the stars trickled from your vocal chords and left me clinging to unwilling sins as you plucked me from the sky and snapped my halo.
I thought I was an angel, but you proved me wrong.
you caressed my cringing wings, painted my feathers black with tar, and left me unable to fly; you tore them from my back, leaving naked shoulder blades defenseless and bare; and then Heaven was yours.
iv.
the words dripping from your throat shimmered and I believed every lie on your serpent’s tongue: I was broken, you would sew on wings so I could fly, if I would only be yours,
so I pushed razorblades through the pages of every book I believed in and followed you into the grey. you stitched promises into my skin and placed me under glass; you told me I was like a butterfly with punctured wings,
and the sky whistled through gaping holes as I fell.
v.
I became your butterfly, and your hands (musician’s or murderer’s) trailed along my hues. they came away blue and gold, and I was silent. vibrations racked my body; you thought I was trying to fly, but really I was only dying.
vi.
you thought you could harvest my pigments and caress my forewings without it mattering. but I lost something every time you touched me and it lingers on your fingertips—
I can’t forget that.
Love,
Lepidoptera
Adding your comment:
I have no negative comment or criticism to make, none at all.
