Failure

I throw my hands up again
screaming out to God,
I've failed again
The fight in me is gone
I don't know how to get it back
I am alone.

God what is this thing
this thing inside of me
I want to do right but I do wrong
I fight the wrong but alone I am too weak.
my flesh takes control and reminds me that I am only human..
and alone I cannot fight this monster inside of me.

alone and I can't see past my own self
I'm scared and repulsed by me
and all I want is to get out.
to be gone and to be free of the fight
where I am constantly battling myself.

to know you've already won
is small comfort and should be greater
I am only human and today I was reminded of that.
it's painfully hard to be better.
I want out, out of this body of sin
out of this repulsive unworthy flesh I am trapped in. 

I am disgusted and I want none of it....
how could anyone want me 
how could you want me?...
I am sorry but I am just not enough
so God I need you to heal me
fill me with your love.

Tears are here and I am broken.
I've come to the place when words are not necessary anymore.
so I will say but one more thing
God I need your forgiveness and your healing....