I Am No More

A joke, they call it. Or is it something that I say?
Is it something I've made up, is it something in the way.
A love that never could, would never ever suceed.
A hate that has always, grown before the seed.
Grown before the roots could plant themselves in the ground.
Grown before my hatred, found it self re-announced.
Laughters that held the quietest, subtle fears.
You think you know, all of you, but really you all have no idea.
Everyone has their own opinions that are always right.
Really, sometimes, I could careless, it's not about those fights.
I get tired of screwing up, but without it I'd never grow.
Without him the way he was, I would had never known.
I would had never saw him for the way he was at night.
The way he was in the day, the reformation he made at might.
The bruises he left on my weakly arms, the scars he left to high.
I don't think I would had ever known, women afraid of fright.
Afraid to be alone, afraid to lift their hands.
Women afraid to admit the truth, and instead beat by his commands.
Literally, No, possibly later, just not now I say.
I've learned my lesson about blue eyes, the lesson is 'Stay Away'.
I lived a lie, a sneaking lie, and til this day I still am true,
True to those who can only see, I do exactly as they do.
Those who do the same, point out their own quicker than not.
Can find the most subtle person, and see the lies they've rought.
You think it ends, does it? Will it ever completly stop?
The questions, the consciousness, now I don't think it ever stops.
Until time has taken these words and rotted them into air,
People shall never fully understand, people shall never really care.
'Get over it,' 'Move On', they say, without ever really considering.
That for a year I had myself, bent on my knees and bleeding.
Enough heart transplants, It's cracked in too many pieces.
I will always sit here smiling, hiding the pain I'm weeping.
'Love' he calls it, I have to remind him, that love he never had.
Controlling fits of hidden hate, that is what makes me mad.
Because every time I see him, walking in these halls.
I have to push my mind away, just to forget it all.
If thats love, if it is, then I guess I'd rather not.
I'd rather stay here in my chair, safety is behind a lock.
I guess good bye, this is it, I know I've said it before.
But now I really see the light, a joke I am no more.