Burn the sky
set it ablaze with colors
light matches for the
sunset and turn the golden glow
back on itself.
Swirl dark clouds
under burgeoning blues
where white lies bleeding
injured from the night.
Heave up the soil
in lightning’s snake-like strike
flash the stricken faces
to reveal truncated fears.
Burn the sky
set it ablaze with crackling light.
Capture the wind
in tea cups grace
the rain will scatter
the night will roar
the colors will simmer
like grease in a pan
burning hotter and hotter
until they explode
into the dawn
to trickle down sunlight
for the monotone day.
Author notes
Comments welcome!
Cool picture... image by a bunch of numbers...
A contest entry
- ...calamity of the sky by JinSays.
1756 points, ended October 10, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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the rain will scatter
the night will roar
the colors will simmer
like grease in a pan
burning hotter and hotter
until they explode
into the dawn
damn, this is simply gorgeous.
you seem to play off storms like I do. Living in the west, I dont get a whole lot of storms, but when I lived in Texas, along the south-east edge, we always had rain. There comes a point in a storm when I think inanimate objects can and do sometimes come to life. Maybe it was just a ghost
, but I have seen what the electricity in the air can do, before the deluge.
Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest, and as always,
I wish you all the best.
love,
jin -
Love it!!
Amazing imagery. Best wishes in the contest!! 
Peace,
Cyn
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This is beautifully written you literaly fly with words and splash sensations all around, I love it. Excellent.
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this is very good. your adjectives and verbs are completely spot on.
your punctuation is sometimes unnecessary though.
and is also separate it out a little differently. perhaps like this.
Burn the sky
set it ablaze with colors
light matches for the sunset
and turn the golden glow
back on itself
swirl dark clouds
under burgeoning blues
where white lies bleeding
injured from the night
heave up the soil
in lightning’s snake-like strike
flash the stricken faces
to reveal truncated fears
Burn the sky
set it ablaze with crackling light
capture the wind
in tea cups grace
the rain will scatter
the night will roar
the colors will simmer
like grease in a pan
burning hotter and hotter
until they explode
into the
dawn
to trickle down sunlight
for the
monotone day.
-
-
Thank you!
I really appreciate your comments and assistance with punctuation. For some reason, I can review other peoples work for punctuation, but never my own.
Dane
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You know how to use imagery and words very well, without demonstrating a overkill of obscure words to formulate what you think is a deep poem. I loved this.
My favorite verse is:
Capture the wind
in tea cups grace;
-
Scatter, roar, simmer, bleed, strike...
This verse is writhing with verbs, the action
turning each line into sensation. The ending two lines
feel like the calm after the storm when all that is heard
is the monotone trickle. Wicked ride of a read.
The only pause I had came here: "back in on itself" where
in is not necessary and causes a stutter. Blue
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Thank you, Blue!
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really cool pic
and a very striking poem...
excellent.
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