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mind-scape

 

 


it begins in the mind-scape of a whisper

 

 

in morse code of a full moon

or by the entranced hush of leaves

 

 

amongst ghosts whose shadows

trail and reside in dust-bunnied corners

of forgotten spaces knocked over

and blamed on the wind

 

 

in those oh christ moments of euphoria

or disgust

 

 

in flesh, warm or cold to touch

 

 

stalking me

 

 

until I hunt or

exorcise them

 

 

rid them of their bones

and bury them in the sheets

always left partly made

and slept in

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • ccawley gold member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Your response to the prompt is so creative.
    The imagery "hush of leaves" and "dust-bunnied corners"...
    spoke softly but clear.
    I like your poetic voice


  • Allyce May gold member
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    Holy crow, that ending is something else. Love this


  • tara wilson gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply


    congrats..


  • Randomly Beautiful
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is brilliant. Honestly. I've read several from this contest, and this is the only I've commented thus far. I don't even know what to say, but I had to say something.


    • Jersene gold member
      September 26
      Edit | Reply
      well, thank you for saying what you did...it's greatly appreciated


  • Night Hope gold member
    September 22

    Edit | Reply

    This is such a lush and gorgeous piece, Poet. And completely identifiable for those of us who possess the same obsession. Good luck in Mary's contest.



  • zochit2me gold member
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written piece here. The bones of past, the dust bunnies hidden in corners, a ray of sunlight streaming through a window...all are poems waiting to be buried between sheets...love that last stanza...brilliant

    and


  • illusions
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    oh, my!! what an amazing description of your process! wow!! the imagery, oh, the imagery! every stanza brings something fresh and exciting and thoroughly inspiring. what an amazing piece of poetry! i am so glad i stopped in to read.


  • Cat
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    very nice write.. i love the juxtaposition of a warm or cold touch..
    that final stanza is simply stunning..

    rid them of their bones

    and bury them in the sheets

    always left partly made

    and slept in



    the partly made and slept in adds an element of surprise and comfort and something that the reader can not their head and say yes.. i write about the beds i have slept in.. the bones of my past...

    wonderful wonderful piece..


  • Nicolette gold member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    those first three lines are pure magic, Jersene. simply beautiful!

    ~ Nicolette


  • arafura gold member
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    Great work poet. The last stanza really resonates! Good luck in the contest!


  • Namita
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    yes yes, the code of the full moon...i know it best, it is definitely where it all begins. this has mindblowing imagery and the excellent references here...especially the last stanza. such a well written, very fine fine piece. Mary is gonna have so much trouble (and fun!) judging this contest.


    • Jersene gold member
      September 21
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Namita...glad to see you around here again


  • transcendental baby gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    Oh I love how you take us into different corners of thought in this ... the whisper of the mysterious, the haunted spaces, the exorcising ritual of clarity, and then the burial in lived-in sheets ... what a masterful way of explaining the creative compulsion!


  • charcoal
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    'in flesh, warm or cold to touch'

    in a separate line, placed like that, it
    gave me the chills...

    this is a beautiful poem.

  • tara wilson gold member
    September 18
    Edit | Reply

    "in morse code of a full moon" damn that's good...

     

    excellent work. i love this so much and relate...the christ moments..perfect..

     

     


  • Rowan gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    oh yeah...
    this is good.

1 - 25 of 25