i don't think she knows
but it was a thursday and i had just
woken up from a fitful sleep
convinced that the earth was
falling in on itself, the sky imploding
and there was no air to breathe,
no air anywhere
and i walked downstairs
and it was so tense and the
shit i was filling my lungs with was
not air, it was thick and heavy
and felt concrete as it dried,
like lead being absorbed into
the blood, making my eyes swim
and my head spin
and she was just laying there,
just laying there like
everything was alright,
like she was taking a nap
but she fucking wasn't
and i haven't forgotten the way
the ambulance shrieked on its way
over, how i could hear it coming
from a long way away and i just knew
that everything wasn't going to be the same,
that my mother's eyes would stay
wet like they did when she was
crazy and locked away
apart from us
and i climbed a tree and watched
their rubber shoes as they lifted her,
covered her,
rolled her off into the night.
luther barking the whole damn time,
snarling and biting;
the next day,
they put him to sleep.
because you can't have a dog
that bites the paramedics
as they take the dead,
unofficial angels of death
carting her off to the other
side,
wherever that is.
and my little brother
was just eleven years old
and he searched all over for me
crying,
lost and confused and alone
just like i was
but i hid in the tree
ignored his cries
and waited for the dream
to be over,
for the earth to finish
imploding,
for my chest to stop
shaking
and my tired lungs to stop
straining for the air
that just wasn't there
and i wish she knew
that i fucking broke
that night,
the first time i saw someone
die,
just cracked
like a bomb had exploded
right behind my ribs
Author notes
it was traumatic. i think that i felt it about a hundred times as hard as i could get across in this poem.
A contest entry
- actually by heaven all alone.
3000 points, ended October 20, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - this is what i sound like. by aanika.
3500 points, ended November 28, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i have only read three poems on this website that have brought tears to my eyes; this is one of them.
heartbreaking, breath takingly beautiful, powerful and strong, emotional.
and many more words.
loved this from beginning to end.
and i am impressed with your honesty to share this on AP.
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no words as to what this means to me.
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this is so devastating... thank you so much for opening up this deeply. this is a great write and i am so happy you entered something this beautiful.
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your writing is absolutely exquisite.
this calls for no criticism, it yields no faults.
i hope everything is mending itself and that life returns to normality as soon as possible for you, i cannot express how hard it is to lose a loved one and just hope everything is going well for you.
lots of love,
swim.x
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oh katie, this is heartbreaking.
and one of my favourite poems on ap.
this is written so perfectly and bitterly.. I love bitter poems.
this is wonderful
♥♥
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An amazing piece of writing...to be able to convey those images and reveal those thoughts...amazing. The tone you set here is perfect. The way you unfold the story really grabs the reader. It's sad, it's hard, it's real...I'm very impressed that you were able to get it all out in such fashion. Good luck in the contest!
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this made me want to cry.
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