i.
Hey, Daddy dearest,
when's the last time we met?
Two years, or nearly so.
But I don't think I miss you;
That's not true. I don't miss
the words you said to me
or the way you made me feel:
I wasn't good enough,
good enough,
good enough,
for your precious standards.
But I miss you so.
(It's still abuse, you know,
even if you never laid a hand;
will you ever love me, Daddy?)
ii.
Hey, my "new dad",
when did all this start?
A year, a little more?
You stopped being my father-figure;
Well, no you didn't. You still are,
but now your gentle touches
are no longer so innocent;
and of course I can't just say
something like don't touch me,
don't touch me,
don't touch me,
because then I couldn't pretend
to think it was an accident.
(It's still molestation, you know,
even if you never touch "down there;"
subtle abuse hurts just as badly)
iii.
Two fathers, both and neither mine;
one never there, never caring, always watching,
the other there, always there, never leaving.
Neither knows the other
and yet they have a common goal:
break your daughter
break her
break her
and strip her bare until there's nothing left.
There's nothing wrong, nothing wrong
with what they do, when you put it this way:
motivate her to do better, or
just have a little fun (bet she likes it).
Nevermind the little girl crying on the floor;
doesn't matter that she hates herself
for what others have done to her:
doesn't matter because it'll never change.
Author notes
"i" is to my father.
"ii" is to my stepfather.
"iii" is about both of them and how they've affected me, but addressed to nobody. This is why the form completely changes here.
I don't really like this piece. Maybe I'll go in and edit later, maybe I won't. This is the first time I've ever written about the stuff in stanza ii, so I didn't expect it to rock anyway.
A contest entry
- Abuse and Rape...Speak Out!!! A place to let it out... by voodoo ink.
875 points, ended September 25, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
This is so sad and I wouldn't change anything, because you wrote for your broken heart and let your emotions out in this poem...even though it wasn't a tremendous act, even the subtle abuse can have a major impact on a person...sorry for your pain...
Blessed Be,
Jeremy
-
-
Thanks.
And you're right. Subtle abuses can be just as bad as the brutal ones.
-
-
I'm so sorry ...
this scenario describes my two "fathers" as well in so many ways; and the hurt and betrayal. I think you did a wonderful job expressing your pain. It is very brave of you. I wish I could say that I don't understand, but I do - because I was abandoned, neglected, abused and betrayed too. I know, I know... how deeply it hurts. It must all be so uncomfortable for you... and you must feel anger toward your mom - for allowing this, (unknowingly or not.) I am just beginning to deal with that myself. Message me any time. Your poem caught my eye because of the title about two fathers. I liked the repetition of words that you use in your poem. It makes it haunting, and drives the hurt home.
best wishes in the contest~!
-
-
Thanks. I'm sorry you have to know how it feels, though. :/
I'm actually not mad at my mom. Well, I am because of the stuff with my real dad. She knows she's emotionally abusive, but doesn't even try to take away his half of the custody--of course, I rarely see him anymore, but when I do (when my stepmom makes my dad take me for a week or two) my mom knows perfectly well what's going on. She tells me to brush it off, he's an asshole, don't listen to him. Her father was the same, and it didn't hurt her once she learned to ignore him, so it shouldn't bug me either (but she's a much more stable person than I am).
I don't blame her at all for the stuff with my stepdad, though. He's very careful; she has absolutely no idea. Hell, he's so subtle about it /I/ wasn't sure it was sexual abuse until I talked to one of my friends, who talked to her police-officer aunt (not using my name) and her aunt said it was. There's no way my mom could know.
Thanks again for the comment. It's both good and bad to see that I'm not the only one who feels like this.
-
Adding your comment:
