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Make love in the rain.

Two souls dance in the rain,
their fire burns as the rain falls
thunder covers the sound of there hearts

beating for the passion... for that one moment
her lips quiver, as his lips kiss away the rain drops on her chest
their bodies in perfect harmony 
she whips his head back still dancing
and runs her tounge up his chest
she pounces like a panther
wraping her legs around his waist,
and kisses him with eagerness

their bodies become one

as they make love in the rain


Author notes

i'm not sure i did this quickie thing right, i'm not sure how it works but it only took me ten or fifteen minuets so that's pretty quick. hope i got it right

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • tootzie
    November 9
    Edit | Reply
    loved i


  • Sector-Hunter silver member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    For something soft this was still hot. You can have passion in few words and you prove that here. Mmmmm I love the thought of making love in the rain it feels so good good luck in the contest SH


  • JinSays gold member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    oh now, honey-with me, if I say quickie, that usually means you have about a week
    Im soooo slow sometimes.
    sigh, this is lovely, and I thank you for entering this contest, and I wish you all the best.
    love,
    jin


  • Badass Brea
    September 23

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    I loved this piece! It was short and yet descriptive and sensual! It made me think of times when I too have done things in the rain, and I must admit it's exciting and exhilirating.

    This was a great quickie and I think you did perfect!

    -Brea


  • AbundantBetrayals
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    watch the grammar
    line2: if you're not talking about the setting in this line change there to their i wasn't sure. If it is about the setting then there needs to be a coma at the end of the line.
    line3:there...their
    line5: his...he; kiss...kisses
    (just a note rain drops don't form on people, you may want to change that line to something like, "rain drops falling/beading on her chest"
    line6:there...their; bodys...bodies
    line10: wraping...wrapping
    line12: there...their; bodys...bodies

    love the concept behind it and good luck in the contest!
    ~Betrayal


    • xxBlack Dawnxx
      September 21
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your advice, im a little short when it comes down to spelling and grammar, i have tried to correct it, but i would be a great help if you could doubble cheak it for e please, many thanks terri

1 - 6 of 6