I don't hand my heart off to gain more notches on a bedpost. I never wanted for the numbers I whisper to myself to climb. I don't need more crumpled notes of apologies I didn't need to write, and I wish someone would see me breaking and do more than take advantage.
I cry inside anymore, because my tears are a goddamn waste. I'm locking people out and reverting to the person I destroyed almost 3 years ago and I want someone to notice. I don't want to have to tell them, so they can feel sorry for me and send me away. I don't want that. I just want someone to care without me letting them hold me a little too close or kiss me a little too heatedly.
Sometimes, yeah, I'm happy. But it's because I try to erase my pent up feelings. I sing to myself when I actually DO cry, because I'm the only one that will anymore.
And it feels worse than anything, ever.
Nothing is the same, and nothing is right, and
it
makes
me
want
to
SCREAM.
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