I used my tongue, slowly down her thighs
Watching her moan and groan
Paused in time
I saw the deep impression, that sexual desire
The urge took control
As she was budding like a flower
I was that passion, sensuous dwelling deeper into her prized forest quarter
With my cold hands, I rubbed my body close to hers
Blowing and stroking, her neck and nipples to perfection
While she gently stroked my formed erection
We were deep in the jungle, are animal instincts had taken precedence
I used my time well, as we both started to french kiss
Tongues meeting in the middle, hands softly dressed in body heat
Rolling and caressing each others hair, sweat poured down our faces
We were tuned in loves wake, wild passions
Fucking all through the night
Me on top, penetrating her deep, with a fast cock action,
then slowly taking my cock out, and putting it in her big mouth
Cum pouring down her face, me sighing in complete awe
Moaning in tune, slapping my cock all over her face
The juices were pouring out
From behind I slapped her butt, putting in my manhood
Pounding her good, slapping and grabbing her hair
I was moving in and out
She was face pressed against the wall
She was my love slave, I had at my mercy
I was in full control as I speed up
As I took her from behind grabbing her hair
I came again, and turned her around
As I sat on top of her, she licked the juices from my cock
And looked straight at me, now she was in control
And boy I knew she knew it too
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge SEASON 10 (round 2) by Master Ktulu.
450 points, ended October 7, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Firstly, this is more of a story than a poem. Secondly, the rules stated no BDSM themes allowed this round and yet that is the aspect you present here. Also a few other things you failed to pay any mind too are as follows:
You did not list in your author's comment the piece in which this was chosen for inspiration as stated in the rules. Spelling and grammar use leave much to be desired. This lacked originality and imagery. It was simply a plain dictation of actions during a sexual encounter that did nothing to entice me as the reader and in this case one of the judges.
One last thing was that I do believe this was not written for this challenge as it was entered merely moments after the round was posted and before the background of the round page was even edited for posting. That tells me you did not write this for this challenge and thus in my opinion does not deserve to be scored nor acknowledged in the slightest.
With all that taken into account I give you a score of:
0.
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Firstly I will apologise for my delay in judging due to illness.
A well structured piece of erotic poetry. This piece works on so many levels for me. The change of mood between gentle love to more heated and aggressive passion. The flow is natural between the two so keeps the reader. The presentation is delightfully formal in style. Couple of grammar/spelling mistakes. Please keep an eye on the criteria asked for as that will give you easy points to win, it may seem picky but it is these easy marks that can make the difference between first and second place.
Well done
CC
Score 89/100
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Very well done but I saw at least two spelling/grammar corrections and felt that the BDSM aspect should not have been here at all. Other than that, this is a great piece and I am looking forward to reading more
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First off I want to say that I really do like this but as been pointed out there were a few minor glitches here.
presentation/creativity=20
spelling/grammar/punctuation= 18
speed should have been sped and also in the second stanza last line are animal instincts would have been better to me if it was our.
how well you handled the challenge= 0
I'm sorry but if this was indeed written before hand then the guidelines of the challenge wasn't followed. There was also a touch of BDSM in this write which I understand wasn't allowed this round, and I do love the BDSM aspect of this.
grab me=20
overall=16
total=74
I am looking forward to reading more of your work in these challenges. -
First let me say that I enjoyed this one. I liked the storyline however, I have also been keeping a watchful eye on this entry as well. I noticed that this was entered in the contest less than 5 minutes after it was posted. This tells me that this entry was not actually written with the guidelines of the challenge in mind. Also, the rules of the challenge were not followed (you were asked to find inspiration from a title from one of my poems and leave the link or title in your notes).
spelling/grammar/punctuation- 15
Your spelling was spot on. A job very well done. However, in your final stanza the word speed should be sped (as I read this I understand this to be spoken in the past tence.)
Another thing, this is something that really is a pet peeve of mine... Every line starts off with a capital letter. Keep an eye on that for future rounds. I understand that not everyone writes with punctuation but watch the capitalization.
presentation/creativity-20
I liked the story-telling here. The way it starts off sweet and gets hard. I felt that I ws reading a synopsis of a porno...very clever.
how well you handled the challenge-0
As I stated earlier, I felt this was not written within the guidelines of the specified challenge. Therefore, I feel that no points should be given here.
"grab me" effect -20
Great story!
overall-17
If you keep an eye on small mistakes like word tences and watch your capitalizations from here on out and keep within the guidelines of each challenge then you will be tough to beat.
____________________________________
Total- 72
**Master Ktulu** -
hot
if one doesn't get hot and wet by the words you have penned here then they are dead...smiles, i love this write...good luck in the contest!
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Now that is one HOT hardcore poem, your images were so vivid, and your words made it be the raw animal ways of sex. Best of luck to you with this in Master Ktulu's Erotic Challenge.
Riftkin
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Wow I am speechless o.o this was amazing!
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whoa boy slow your roll i aint really intto ttallkin bout juices but damn man i liked this i really did i loved the part where you compared yourselves to animals in the jungle i totally get that nice work.
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very hot! I like how it starts sweet then gets GOOD! noticed that the 'are's should be 'our's in third stanza..much luck in the challenge
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I like the connection with animal instincts, this was really good...talk about steamy
just check your spelling there were a few mistakes here. good luck in the contest
~Betrayals
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yeah..thats pretty hot...hahaha.
seems you have experience >.>
good luck and take care
Stephanie ♥
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