Outside the sun is shining
over cracked lands.
Divided.
Even the rain is everescent
falling down the cheeks
of those locked out.
Unprivileged.
Chocolate flows freely
from children's hands.
Exploited.
Your lies are glitter
covering . . .
The sparkles blind
and we live on that.
Author notes
k 8 f a i r y
Sudden stop, I didn't want to spell it out but I fear I did. I can't do mystery.
A contest entry
- I imagined the world through your eyes [invite only] by ladybug..
800 points, ended September 22, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1074 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
"Chocolate flows freely
from children's hands.
Exploited."
Clever juxaposition, dear. The contrast both startles and draws in the reader, inviting inferences to be made. That to me is the best mark of poem...the ability to compact ideas unsaid, and yet relay them outward with the least amount of words.
This poem almost reminds me of descent into decadence, free fall into oblivion. To be both utterly oppressed yet surrounded by beauty, by goodness.
The prevading sectors of waste and want and need.
I liked the ending. Made me ponder my existence for a moment. Deep k8, you're getting deep!
~hippie -
-
Thanks. I'm trying to get more subtle, it is what I admire in my favourite poets. Their ability to say 5 things subtly in one line as well as evoking cool images. One day I'll get there, its nice to know I'm on the road.
-
-
Every poem you're one step closer!
~hippie
-
-
-
i love the subtlety in this.
its amazing. lovelovelove. (: -
Unprivilaged. <-- unprivileged.
It's seriously so subtle. it's gorgeous.
your word choice is like -- wow.
it's such a simple little poem.
i love it.
thanks for doing this (: -
-
Thanks for the spell check! I'm suck at that. Also thanks for the lovely comment.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
