xer

usually, when i write a poem
i have some sort of emotion to drive me...
normally its sadness and depression,
&& occasionally its happiness
but as i sit here
with my back hunched over & the words from a text still lingering in my mind
i don't know what to feel
my mind, from past experience,
tells  me i should be afraid
or even angry, ready to weep
my heart is racing & my pulse is pounding against my throat
im not sure if i shouldve read that
im not sure if i shouldve asked him

i wonder......

perhaps the sentence is frozen in my head
unable to process correctly
& thats why i feel nothing
or could it be that i truly do not care?
no, thats impossible
ive cared for so long
all would be wasted if, in a split moment
i suddenly realized that i really
dont care

do any of you kno what XER is?
it is a mathimatical acronym meaning that x is an element of the reals
in this case x= (e) x (r)
now i kno you all came here to read my mind,
not to learn math
but this applies i swear.
just think it thru...
now, we must find (r) which in my life stands for reality
so -e+x=(e)(r)+-e
which is now -e+x=r
now e in this case equals my confusion
which is in the negatives because i had none
& since my confusion is so much larger than my situation (x)
my reality equals a negative situation..
therefore, this must be bad.

now, all of u may be utterly confused unlike me.
that, my friends, is the point of this poem.
so heres an overview of my day, short & to the point:
i dont like bryan wilson.
i was happy for the first time in three weeks.
i made another inside joke with brina & clare :] FBI warNING ahahha
&& no one cares who drew likes anymore
i think for the first time
i actually understand why im friends with clare & ryan
its not just cuz i love clare, even tho i do
its cuz i love them both & who they are as people
&& i kno erin & grace will gag at this statement
but plz dont,
for my sake
& for clares.
i love them & what we do
i love us three, together, when we chill
as if the world were ending tomoro
in all its simplicity, its cool.
& i love it.

so to sum up this poem
im a nerdy math geek who doesnt understand school but has her life half figured out,
&& the other half that isnt understood yet,
is the half that will remain a mystery until the day i die
when it will finally be revealed
but again, for now, i like my life how it is.
im happy
& i guess thats really all that matters right?