Silent ash drops like snow on a long deserted street
And a post-apocalyptic sky washes the world a dreary grey.
No sign of battle remains, no scorch of earth nor drop of blood;
Only shattered walls and inhospitable atmosphere stand for record.
My enemy I have banished from this world with stroke of tongue
Tossed to the abyss like a rag to the wind and left to die
And what of I? What of the moral the righteous, the just?
I stand hear alone, the silent ruler of naught but dust and bone
The only one left, the only one who can shoulder the blame.
When rapture came, I never thought to be left alone
Driving all beside me to their eventual doom with my insanity.
I am guilty of this atrocity and I accept my punishment.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Everything happens for a reason, from the smallest events up to the most calamtous, personally I find it ironic that not only has my favourite song lately been Rapture, but two of my AP favourites in one night chose to title a poem with that term included.
Regardless of whether we're talking or not we both know we've been reading each other's works without fail. I would like to think that there's a few positive reasons behind this as oppossed to negative ones, although it's probably about even.
I must say though, being the guy you used to ask about your poetry, your last two works (this included) highlight two things in particular, one; a strong evolution on your poetry, specifically anything that relates to a pensive or contemplative nature and two; a wonderful craft of imagery along with a nice touch of rhyme (something I can never get without it sounding very very childish).
One or two typo's "I stand hear alone," unless hear was your intention with a play on words on the silent ruler that followed, in which case immensely clever.
The question was always who, if either of us would ever bother to give feedback, we are poets at the end of the day, and I noticed nobody else seemed to despite the numerous views you were getting.
Disregard it if you wish, I'll understand.
Keep writing though.
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Hmm, I think I'll address your comments regarding the poem first. Perhaps what sets this poem and 'Pyromaniac' apart from a lot of my other stuff is that I now have some issues to address as well as some metaphors to explore and I'm glad that someone noticed.
The use of the term rapture I'll admit was sheer fluke. Had I written the poem a mere 24 hours earlier I doubt it would have appeared as I just happened to chance upon a documentary about the rapture and the word stuck. It's always a term I forget.
Thirdly, I'll admit that "I stand hear alone" is entirely a typo. In fact most of what appear to be clever word play on my behalf tends to be typo. Indeed one of my favourite accidental word plays was "I remember you listening to them way bach when."
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Now, in relation to the giving feedback, you should know that I'm not a very good critic of poetry (oh the irony!) It's a field of Art that I find myself an outcast in. I find it much easier, and more comfortable, to look over prose with a critical eye. I shied from pointing out that you spelt Freudian wrong because I felt that one more misinterpretation of my point could set us down a slippery slope...again.
It is odd, perhaps, that I've read your last two poems more thoroughly than any of your others.
Erm, thanks for the comment???
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I'm pleased to say they've gone very much noticed, to be honest I had intended to spotlight pyromaniac (once you had revised it had you chosen to) but considered a potential ass kissery of which i doubted you'd very much appreciate.
You know more than well you were the very person I had the conversation with regarding Freud's theory, and to be honest when I saw you had read it and Sofia pointed out my error, needless to say, I was more than ashamed, embarassed actually, not something i'll usually admit to but none the less I was, hence why i did my best to rectify it straight away, alas the damage had been done.
I would be happy to continue to read and review your works (well read anyway, the reviewing is at your discretion) as I really do think you've actually got a nice flow going as of late, they read with a bang, and as cliche as it sounds, they actually do grab the reader and slap them round a bit (or maybe it's just me).
I'm glad to see you've read my latest two, if i'm to be honest I'd wager I was subconsciously writing them along with you writing yours, I think your recent poetic revival has given me a nice kick up the arse I was probably long overdue. In fact, I've probably been owed that and then some.
Maybe down the line we can do that collaboration I suggested a long time ago, although how to go about it is another chapter, but hey, that's how stories are written.
P.S - Way bach when.... I couldn't help but laugh, if that really was unintentional, thats fantastic. -
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I think it would be very difficult for us to collaborate on anything because we both write personal poems. You tend toward the 'this is me, take it or leave it' theme while I write more of a 'this is me, and I'm damned ashamed of it.'
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We've always been the fire to each other's ice
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