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The C Word

Feet sway methodically
Dreams of empires falling
Hand employed by hand
Fuck I miss the movements
The simple joys of devotion
Flesh to flesh
Glazed eyes
Minds melting through the ice
Submerged in a tango
Fog takes me by the hand
And I can see
The sun burning
Gliding gears of apparatus
Here is me now scorned in
Memory
Freed by you
You, you the
Cosmos

Thoughts?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • catstar
    September 19

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    Welcome to All poetry.
    I really like this. You have a great ability to drew the reader in so that you can't put the poem down and then to surprise them with the end.
    Great write.
    Thanks
    Catstar


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    September 18

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    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Your imagery is a delight, for all five senses, and i can honestly say that you are one of very-few people I know who can curse in poetry and have it still sound like poetry. I'm not sure it fits the mood quite right, but it doesn't sound crass or out-of-place.

    Just a tip: Capping the beginning of every line is unnecessary, unless it is the start of a new sentence or thought (not line). That said, I still liked this a lot, and I hope you continue to share your work with us.

    Keep writing!

    Laura
    Site Greeter