In slowly
And back out again
I feel as though I'm suffocating
Or maybe drowning? I don't know
All I know is you, all I can see is you
I'm consumed
Why is it that I can't
Get you out of my brain?
Caution lights pierced my eyes
The first moment I saw you
But I paid no heed
I allowed myself to fall
Making my every priority
Your happiness
But nothing ever satisfies
Why are you so beautiful?
If you were an ugly soul
It might be easier to let go
Because with each day
Each moment I see you
It becomes harder to breathe
I might die if I don't wake up from this dream
Author notes
Suggestions would be great.
A contest entry
- Titles # 9 by cirque du soleil.
525 points, ended October 23, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I love it! Soo good
btw Lucian Valcor is a good friend of mine and on facebook, you should dig us both up I will get on msn sometime and we can catch up. How are you? Great write!
-
-
I've been good, freakin busy, but good. I do need to facebook the both of you.
-
-
Caution lights pierced my eyes
The first moment I saw you
love that line. this is perfect for the title. Lovely choice of title, btw.
i thought the last line could be stronger though.
i like your line breaks. very effective.
thanks for the entry!! -
interesting paradox you have created to make a very interesting poem liz , its like a bad dream you cant let go because it is so enticing interesting thought on life
Lucian
-
It's interesting that you say dream and not nightmare at the end, but it fits the poem.
Caught between living and loving; you don't want to wake up, but you have to. It makes the decision that much harder. 
Really emotional, while also having a dream-like haze and voicelessness to it, a cool detachment, like an on-looker that doesn't really care about the scenes. I love that type of voice.
Well done!
-
Wow!! this is beautiful! I can really feel this piece and relate to it, yes love can be soo stunning! the imagery is amazing. Absolutely great piece!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
