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moon

Missing image

 

 

i

early evening
sounded like strawberries
                     and cream
laced with sugared warmth


and between shadows

twilight echoed shapes
and poured light
                   onto ivory skin




ii
she wondered
              how many kisses

              a cluster of freckles
could devour

without being bleached

and lifted from the skin
      by a ray of sunset



iii

when moon

hid behind daylight
 

                she didn't sleep

but danced within blue
on muscular legs
and hummed mythical melodies


until honey licked the
                               horizon

 

 

Author notes

prompt:
"the last unicorn"

i imagined the unicorn in the moon/ as the moon

In a list

if you have any questions regarding my work, be it word choice, imagery or simply the meaning, please ask and I'll gladly answer :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • MissingBatteries
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    The way you engage the world always astounds me, leaving me a little taken-aback and wish I had more thoughts to sift through; aw, the event of recalling what strawberries and cream not only sound like, but taste like, feel like, and smell like. Brilliant, brilliant imagery. Thank you so much for sharing. Your pieces always make me extremely glad that you write.

  • snow-angel
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    this is gorgeous♥
    i love the imagery.
    'early evening
    sounded like strawberries
    and cream
    laced with sugared warmth'
    lalalovely.
    i adore every word in this piece.
    you're amazing.
    'until honey licked the horizon'
    omigosh.
    i'm a sucker for sugary imagery, haha.


  • lolagirl
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    wow you took this prompt and made it truly magical with your words. I enjoyed reading this peice a great deal, it is flawless and brings true magic on the page. Very good write!!!


  • jazzcat gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Few pieces really work for me on the first read through, especially if they are more than one stanza, but this just clicked. I love the way it flows, you kept your tempo perfect for this subject. I was going to say that I love part ii the best, but re-reading it again, I love each part equally. There isn't anything I would change. Great job. Good luck in the contest!

  • Topnotchsy
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful imagery, and as always, a fresh perspective. The picture does offer a "strawberries and cream" view and that also captures the "sweetness" of feeling.

    The second vignette I was unsure who is kissing who? Does it refer to the moon kissing the skin of the unicorn? (Who has freckles...the moon?

    Best of luck in the contest with this.

  • lolagirl
    September 17
    Edit | Reply
    your prompt is:
    "tha last unicorn"

1 - 6 of 6