I can remember when the Spring grew bold
When trees gave birth as newborn leaves unfurled
And changed the landscape, winter bleak and cold,
Into a vibrant, green, and living world.
And hope sprang forth, of better days to come
As apple blossom decked the orchard trees,
While day by day the sun, his battle won
With darkness, at his zenith, reigned at ease.
Now autumn's here and all things will decline,
Those vibrant colours signal only death.
The days of roses gone, pour me the wine,
Once more we start to feel harsh winter’s breath.
When my time comes I pray that it will be
That autumn's breath will see the death of me.
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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It only got better the more I read.Very nice.
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What a beautiful poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You write this way magnificently: this is as beautifully realized as your light work is, and so very different! "And hope sprang forth" . What a gorgeous phrase!
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Dear Pat,
This is a beautifully contrived English style sonnet in the best sense.
It seems, from the preceding comment, that you had performed some revision before I got to read this poem and I can't help wondering whether some of your original thought may have been lost. For example, the word "thrall" signifies (to me) bondage; spell; enchantment which, in the last line of your couplet would have a more apt and forceful meaning than "breath" but, as the Author, you of course have the final word.
One can be 'politically correct' about trochees, spondees etc. but the overall flow of this poem is graceful and your lines are meaningful. Congratulations.
Anyway, as it stands, I give it full marks and again invite you to enshrine it in the Wyleian Sonnet collection as number CCLXIV or CCLXVI (please refer to my IM re: numbering.)
I pray that you will outlive many more Autumns before you finally succumb.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh.
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very good effort, but
Small points. The apostrophe indicating posession replaces, I believe, the word "his", so "autumns thrall" should be "autumn's thrall" standing for "autumn his thrall". On the other hand, "autumns here" should be "autumn's here", standing for "autumn is here".
I'm not sure what you intend the last couplet to mean. If you mean you would like to die in autumn (or just before it), well and good, but it's stretching the meaning of "thrall" a little. Remember Keats' "la belle dame sans merci hath thee in thrall" which uses "thrall" as meaning "subjection", its usual meaning.
Your iambic pentameters are exemplary. The very first foot of your sonnet is a trochee, which to me means you are showing the iambic pentameter who's boss. Other lines start with spondees ("Now autumn's here","Once more"). It all helps the variety and music of the lines, which, in turn, helps us accept a cliché like "cruel winter's breath". -
No way do i want to go in autumn If i go i want it to be a day when one dies to see the end of
Wet,cold, dark, and miserable
I want the world to appear to be mourning me
A wonderful sonnet
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Hey!
None of that kind of talk!!!
So cleverly done, you have a natural gift -- for re-working until it seems natural?! Grammatically, you could pretty it up by giving an apostrophe to autumn, both times.
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Pat, this is one lovely sonnet and I love it, written beautifully but I would never expect any different from you...Love Lu x
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This is wonderful, a lovely sonnet... I love it. It's going straight to my favorites list. Autumn being my favorite season, the title really caught my eye.
You've written this beautifully, even emotionally.
Great job
Dee
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