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Parlour Song Spotting

 

 

 

Ist VERSE
Feck it, ah'm nae longer young,
Wi' liver spoats upon mah tongue;
Ah'm nae mair feelin' quite sae brae,
'Cos mah life is fading fast awa'.
But, wee tart, ye'll be te ays, te ays,
Always a guid ride in mah eyes, mah eyes;
Yes, mah darlin', ah ken it weel,
Ye're eyweis worrthy ay a feel.

CHORUS
Feck it all, ah'm gauntae boak
If indeed, ah dinnae croak;
My bawws are nae longer hot, but cold
Silver threids among the gold.

2nd VERSE
Altho' yer hair is aww fallin' oot,
Thair's a wart upon yer snoot,
Yer bonnie tits are pairt nae more,
An' yer erse is saggy guid an' aww,
Ah gottae tell ye yin last time
Ye'll be fer eyweis only mine;
From the depth ay mah very soul
Ye were eyweis mah best hole.

CHORUS
Feck it all, ah'm gauntae boak
Puke it up, or mebbe croak;
My bawws are aye guid 'n' cold
Silver threids among the gold.

3rd VERSE
Death is nippin' at mah heid,
But there's one thing that ah need;
Ye'd no deny it tae me, hen;
What it is, ah know ye ken,
A guid blaaw-joab is mah delicht
On this braw bricht moonlicht nicht.
Feck the pain o' arthritic hips,
Jus' tak' mah knoab between yer lips.

FINAL CHORUS
Feck it all, ah'm past aww hope;
Och, Jesus Christ, I'm gauntae croak;
My bawws huv turned blue 'n' cold
Silver threids among the gold.

Author notes

Fans of Irvine Welsh's "Trainspotting", "Porno" and his masterpiece, "Filth" will recognise the style of this. My apologies to those who like the sentimental ballad, "Silver Threads Among the Gold", which was extremely popular in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries; perhaps the most famous recording is by Irish tenor Count John McCormack (it's available on YouTube). The original lyrics were by someone called Eben Rexford, and the music by one H.P. Danks. I think the new "Welshian" lyrics fit in nicely with Mr. Danks' nice tune.

In a list

A contest entry

I hope I have caputured the true Spirit of the Parlour Song, Edinburgh style. Wha' d'ye ken?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 24

    Edit | Reply

    Jings, your Scots is execrable! Welsh's patois is often not quite how one would expect it - for example, he would use the ending "ay" instead of "ae" - but what the hell, this is up to your usual standard, more Père Ubu than Runrig. If you didn't exist we would have to invent you. I'm giving you a full compliment of clappies.

    The version of     Silver Threads passed down orally to me goes like this:

    "Tell me, Mr Tram Conductor,"
         said a lady old and frail.
    "Will electric current kill me
        if I tread upon that rail?"
    "I assure you you're quite safe, Ma'am,"
        the cheeky tram conductor said.
    "Unless you raise the other one and put it

        on the power line overhead!"

    A friend of mine whose name is Rodney

        got on a bus bound for Broadstairs.
    When the driver put his brakes on,

        Rodney fell down all the stairs.

    A parson who was just boarding

        said "Did you miss a step, my son?"

    Rodney looked and answered "No, mate.

        I hit every bloody one!" 

     

    I know, that line that starts "Unless" doesn't scan; "unless" was like a couple of grace notes at the beginning.

     

     


  • MusicBoxMetaphor
    September 21
    Edit | Reply
    AHAHAHAHA

    Enough said.


  • Engelbert Humpalot
    September 21
    Edit | Reply
    Fucking good poem.


  • quantumsurveyor
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    Ah am a fan ay Oor Wullie an' th' Broons an' Ah hink 'at they spick better th' scottish th' new dae -- dae ye ken?

    But, ay coorse, Ah am pure quite jealoos ay yer abilities which shine loch a shitehoose duir.


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    September 19

    Edit | Reply
    I LOVEEE the language you used here! Its amazing! I could never do this, this seems almost IMPOSSIBLE for me! Thank you so much for sharing, keep writing!

    x


  • williamstown silver member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    A great love poem for Burns night, a pity its not celebrated here in Ireland. We have days instead Paddy`s Day in March and Art. Guinness 250th anniversary 25th Sept.


  • tarcus
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    and its no nay never (right up ya bum) no nay never no more will I play with wild rover the steaming great whore.
    God I love these oldie but goldies which are a sign of a miss spent youth in a parlour full of peado's learning to run faster with each and every day.
    I thankk you from the arse of my bottom for this timely reminder that we are all human at some level in life xxxxxx


  • Keith
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    A masterpiece. I believe I may have heard it sung thus in Wester Hailes. You may, if you wish, like to take up the issue of copyright with Mad Maxie MacSporran, the terror o' the tower blocks. I cannae quite recall if he's on FaceBuik. Och no, it was PubWatch I seen him oan!
    Mair power tae yer pen. Ah'm no' sure how this will fit in with the other entries, but, hey, it's a free country is it no' ?

    • Edna Sweetlove
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      Yon bonnie piece o' verse has bin improved by ays, wi' an extra ecky or twa.


  • zilbermann silver member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    I like it though I don't understand everything. "Te ays"?


  • just mercedes gold member
    September 16
    Edit | Reply

  • NeedaMuse
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, yes indeed. You have captured the spirit of one sort of parlor song nicely. This isn't even as bawdy as many that I've read. Some of the 'nicer' ones have been recorded like Shave 'em Dry (Bessie Jackson), which is available on YouTube.

    Excellent job.

1 - 14 of 14