High on the cliffs the castle's ruins stand,
where grasses blanch beneath the untamed sun,
forgotten now the glories they once won,
as walls and turrets melt into the sand.
A silhouette as rugged as the land,
the gleaming towers fall and are undone
by broken time, as quiet as a nun,
whose prayers reach heaven, knows God's loving hand.
The cliffs stand desolate, just out of reach,
the graceful gulls fly high, they drift and soar
and circle to the clouds, devour the day,
where gothic skies stream high above the shore.
The castle dominates the sheltered bay,
where hungry waves roll in along the beach.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I am not a fan of sonnets but enjoyed the desolation of this
Very nicely done
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This piece has absolutely excellent imagery, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Your rhyming of "undone" and "nun" seemed just a bit awkward, but overall this is a very strong work.
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Beautiful, the image this piece portrays is lovely. The descriptions are so amazing, and the flow of the piece enhances the poem wonderfully! Very well done! Keep writing =]
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wonderful scene that is unfolded in this beautiful piece.
thanks.
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I enjoyed reading this. I see what you are saying. Mostly. If I had one suggestion, it would be that you go through and start a new sentence where you start a new thought. Having said that, I know it’s a matter of style and if it were mine and I liked it, I wouldn’t change it. Good work.
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Bandit reading list
Great descriptive sonnet that captivates and stirs the imagination of what went on behind the walls of this once noble edifice. You write so well, I am in awe of your command of this form, well done,
Write On!
Brother Dennis
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Its always such a joy just to read your sonnets, this one no exception. Your imagery is always wonderful haunting done, your diction very well choosen. Such a melanchonic piece, very describive. Your rhyme-scheme is uncommon: a/b/b/a/a/b/b/a/c/d/e/d/e/c which could be a variation of a Petrarchan sonnet, just the last three lines are turned on."untamed sun" I like that. Still a careful hidden volta. Thank you for sharing
Erwin
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So many beautiful lines, words. The first four lines are the best, painting a crystal clear picture. I find things get a little murky in the middle, before a wonderful close. The referrence to nuns doesn't fit the mood or language of the rest, IMHO. Well written sonnet. Thanks.
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This has so many wonderful gems within. I wonder if most of the punctuation can be lifted. Also, the adverbs, such as (now). I would ask if you want a Level 2 critique, which could suggest a rewrite.
Respectfully, CookieZeal/D
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Bandits Utd.
You have painted an absolutely beautiful picture here, Beth. This is a masterpiece of imagery and flow; with wonderful use of poetic devices -- I especially love the similie "as quiet as a nun \ whose prayers reach heaven." -- there is something so very tranquil about that line, and indeed, this whole poem. Well done, and best wishes.
Zach Estel. -
I see that you have some great followers, dear friend. I found here some beautiful poetical picture what capturer my imagination:
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A silhouette as rugged as the land,
the gleaming towers fall and are undone
by broken time, as quiet as a nun,
whose prayers reach heaven, knows God's loving hand.
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It is very rare to see something like that. Beautiful!
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I have a great feel for those old castles, and the Lancelot and Guinevere tale sit in my mind here , Your lovely sonnet sits well with the picture you have penned,
"as walls and turrets melt into the sand." is perfect... as is the rhyme and flow.
you never fail to please us.
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the words that caress the mind and soul and touch the face of God you feel the presence inn his work and feel the message sought... this is a stunning write penned just prefect well done
Hugs Always Angel♥
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I see you have painted a splendid poem with your words, ah yeah such beauty lies between your words!
Thank you for sharing the beauty of your thoughts with us
~Massy~
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Nun's vows of silence often may be seen
as experience's triumph over hope,
when prayers unanswered lie, lies in between
hope's evanescent sparks too little scope
retain before snuffed candle's choked smokescreen.
Though castle may look down on sheltered bay
it stays Time's hostage till an earthquake strikes,
or climate changed sea levels rise one day
submerging value judgements, likes, dislikes,
for even vestal prim must piper pay.
The hungry waves turn rocks to tiny grains,
life speeds heedless of vain triumphs, pains ...
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