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~A Heavenly Wedding~ (Sonnet)

 

 

When whispers collide, erupt in the skies,
 hearts entwine beneath canopies of stars.
 Zodiacs perfectly aligned, never seen by eyes,
 such a beauty placed beneath our scars!
Echoes of sighs, soulfully uttered words,
 ones on the air between our lips, swing.
 Sincere promises sewed by loving birds,
 Godly divine lyrics for us to sing.
A cosmical celebration of hearts' unity;
 canvases of heaven evolve so blue,
 a whole tapestry of the topmost purity,
 paintings for all which is destined and true.
        God blesses us with love, crowns on our heads,
         woven in paradise by sacred threads.












(C)Noor 9/16/2009

Author notes

Contest prompt:
Write an English sonnet with 14 lines, 10 syllables each.
Rhyme scheme: abab, cdcd, efef, gg, inspired by this quote:
'Give all to love; obey thy heart.' ~~ Raplh Waldo Emerson
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, this is my second attempt at a Sonnet, it's not flawless but I am kind of proud of it, more because of the emotions I poured in it. There's so much in it that means a great deal to me.

Picture credit: Google.

Thanks for reading!

In a list

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Nickelspring gold member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed the emotion here and beautiful language! I love the ending couplet!
    K


  • Masked Sonneteer
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry.

    You should be proud of this piece. Your rhymes are strong and unforced and the wording runs smoothly. The emotion you have poured into this adds strength to a lovely poem and a good use of the prompt. The syllable counts are a bit out in places but that does not distract from the beauty of your words. Keep writing sonnets as creativity and form do come together eventually.

    Well done.

    Z


  • Eric Marsh
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    i have not got a clue concerning the form of a sonnet, nor do i care to..this is an exquisite, beautiful heartlifting poem..written with honesty and passion..what more can the reader want except more of your superb work....


  • sgking123 gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply

    superb

    this was an excellent piece.The flow and the rhythm was so nicely attuned to the message that this piece wished to convey. You must have thought real hard for this one--for two reasons-one,it carried something in the nature of personal emotions for you,and for two-your second sonnet came out of wise factory...lol.....I guess i like the manner in which you did envelope in love in a 'heavenly wedding'........lol,Such a stylo.......lol...giving the compliment back to you.....you seem to evolve and touching heights.......i need some more in this genre from you......yor muse flows in this...lol


  • SignifyingNothing
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is very nice. Great use of rhyme, this poem really flows well and captures the joy of love in its flowery language. There are a few spelling and word choice problems- "A cosmical celebration of hearts' unity;" in my opinion reads better as "A cosmic celebration of hearts' unity" the extra syllable kind of throws off the rythm of the poem- and I am wondering if Sewing (as in needle and thread) should be "Sowing" as in planting. Canvasses is spelled wrong too. Overall, though these are very minor flaws, and its up to you if you want to change anything. It's a great poem a lovely poem, and nice job. I am glad to have read it.


    • Hikari Lady
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, I'll take these points into considration.
      1. 'A cosmical celebration of hearts' unity' if I take out the 'al' it'd be a syllable shorter and guess this will mean extra changes in line. This I'll get back to later.
      2. As of, 'sewing' I meant 'sewing' in threads and needle, like the birds are sewing with their beaks.
      3. 'Canvasses' has a completely different meaning from 'canvases', the sky is a canvas for painting and not a canvass.

      Thanks for the help, much appreciated.

  • Lord Gegishov
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very beautiful poem. I have always been a fan of the sonnet, although I never felt particularly talented enough to compose one myself. But you have carried it through well. Great job.


  • Rhythm Child
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    got the hug right


  • Rhythm Child
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    and they rhyme was pretty top notch to add to the perfection

  • Rhythm Child
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    O.o
    This was absolutely beautiful, i seriously adore poetry like this. Every picture painted with your words is serene and loving in this poem. Definately one of my favourites.
    No favourite lines because there all devine.


  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    beautifully written
    you are so well rounded, every style you do is so exquisite
    quite lovely
    God bless my friend...
    's for you


  • Vernal Bloom
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Ah dear! I see that your poetry is blooming day after day and I am smiling with us! I know how hard it is to write a form so I admire your effort, hun. You have presented a lovely poem here and I love sonnet, too.
    Thankee for share of it and hope to see you a famous poet someday soon and then I'll announce around she is my friend!

    ~Massy~

    • Hikari Lady
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Awwwwwww!! Hahaha, you have the sweetest heart ever. It's I whose so proud to be your friend.
      If I ever be famous, which so unthinkable lol, that would be after you.

  • sleepinglion
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and really clever Noor, I don't think I could do anything like this(at the moment), well done
    just one tiny comment, - that word ''bang'' is so unromantic,
    How about, - ''When whispers collied, explode in the skies'' ?
    or, - crash in the skies ?
    or - erupt
    or ignite
    anything but Bang
    Your Dad

    • Hikari Lady
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Explode, erupt and ignite all are 2 syllables unless I take the 'and' it wouldn't fit. Crash, sounds as unromantic as bang.
      maybe I'll use erupt and discard the 'and'.
      Thanks, dad.


  • Amera gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully penned with a loving whimsical feel. The sonnet is my favorite form and I think it was made for love poems. This is a wonderful contemporary sonnet.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Ken-Maverick
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    Too shaweeet!!!


  • JohnnyD gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Noor,

    you have done very well with this form, very well indeed!
    English can be such a tough language to master, and few if any ever do, even us English speaking folk, but yeah- this is a nicely done pen!

    Bravo gal!

    Dad

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