this house is so broken
you can hear everything
growing, pumping, grinding
twisting up and winding
but mostly breaking.
darkness.
please
call
someone
to fix this.
though we are gathered together here
the dark is what i fear.
this house is so broken
you can hear everything
whispers from behind the door
screaming, shouting, battles and war
but mostly secrets.
flood.
please
call
someone
to fix this.
though we have so much here
i wish it’d disappear
this house is so broken
you can hear everything
crying when you can’t forget
believing in the morbid threat
but mostly… reality.
Didn't edit, so I'm in need of a critique.
Comments
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"i wish it’d disappear " it'd should be it would conjunctions throw off the flow. and you should capitolize your I's
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there are a few words spelt wrong....i think thats it though..
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wow this is an extreamly well writen poem the words just seem to flow. I loved this a very good write im not sure but you might want to try spell check forgive me if im wrong but really i think that would be the only thing i could detect.
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Can you tell me what's spelled wrong, please? I can't seem to find it...
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