Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Multiplicity

Oh foolish one grasping at air
The second hand has had its say
You can not walk in history
Nor force memory to attend
Forget what was, it’s just no more
Instead go forth to what awaits
Remember this and you’ll be fine
If she gives love increase yours back

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    September 21
    Edit | Reply
    NICE edit. Thank you. ~Pamela


  • sanch011
    September 21
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your suggestion it did make a great difference to the flow of my poem. It is for this type of comments that I enter contests.
    Thank you.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful title - it captured me and I could not quite imagine where you were headed, but your verse explains it all. Lovely. Your last line clinches this contest prompt. So well done.

    Couple of things:
    memory is three syllables and throws your flow off
    Perhaps: Nor force memory to attend. - would work just as well

    source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/memory


    I loved your message and you have handled blank verse very well. I will back to peek at this before the final judging. ~Pamela