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Beneath the Weeping Willow (a pantoum)

Missing image
The willow hid me from his view
When his wants overpowered mine.
My spirit barely made it through,
Though young eyes lost their joyful shine.

When his wants overpowered mine,
The earth would hold me in her palm.
Though young eyes lost their joyful shine,
My tears became a healing balm.

The earth would hold me in her palm;
The sky consumed my tiny form.
My tears became a healing balm
While weathering this unnamed storm.

The sky consumed my tiny form;
I left her body far behind.
While weathering this unnamed storm,
I found some solace in my mind.

I left her body far behind;
It hurt where he should not have touched.
I found some solace in my mind
When terror got to be too much.

It hurt where he should not have touched;
My spirit barely made it through.
When terror got to be too much,
The willow hid me from his view.





Author notes

Picture credit: Google images

This is based on childhood memories of abuse, and the dissociative techniques I used to "get away" from what was happening to me.

During a traumatic experience, the human mind has the ability to "escape" from an otherwise inescapable situation by dissociating. Dissociation feels like leaving your body so that you can be elsewhere, and is therefore also called an out-of-body experience. It is common among children or those with strong imaginations. People who use dissociation as technique to survive abuse often walk away with incomplete/repressed memories or even a dissociative identity disorder, more commonly known as split personalities.



Option #4 in Renee's contest





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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • walkingstick98
    October 6

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    I really really like this although i found myself more concerned with the form than what was being said, after that i really enjoyed this cause the mind is so powerful. Loved it good job..


  • An Old Codger gold member
    October 1

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    Congratulations on the Silver. A very well written piece both in form and message.
    Bravo!!


  • Random Renee
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    The earth would hold me in her palm.
    Though young eyes lost their joyful shine,
    My tears became a healing balm.

    wow being a victum as well this really got to me and I cherish this peice within and hold it tight for comfort thank you for this and I appriciate it very much adn respect it very well!...i loved this so much it was very sad but yet yo0u gave it a healing touch and sensitivity to the horrid abuse..thanks again and you will go far in this contest youve won me over by this peice thank you!1000000 times♥


  • lilangelsnemesis gold member
    September 29

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulation...

    Congratulations on your Silver Trophy. Your form was perfect and the message inside even more so. Thank-you for the information in your AN. I suffer from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) which is a lot like dissociation. Many people don't get it but you explained it well in poetic form. This is a Gold winner in my eyes.

    lilangel'snemesis

  • catstar
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    Umm...I really don't know what to say. This poem is so sad - so painful - it brought tears to my eyes. You use such wonderful poetic devices to describe such a traumatic and painful experience.

    Technical, the poem is beautiful, but paired with your author's notes and your background, it is truly heart wrenching.

    Thank you for sharing this, and having the courage to write about such a painful experience.
    Take Care
    Catstar


  • sinfull
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    I read this earlier and found I couldn't leave a comment. But it deserves much recognition and so I am back. First...technique. . . I know how hard the pantoum is ...have one or two and very hard to make the repeats ...blend and be new each time yet also flow with the lines before n after. your pen accomplished this very very well. Your content choice...sadly...is perfect for this form as the disassociation would come in the way you present..this had to be hard ..the content haunts from the repeats and lends strength/underlines the visual.
    .I commend you... excellent write.


  • klassy lassy
    September 20

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    I am so impressed with your art, and a mixture of emotions rise in my throat reading this. It stuns. Too many can relate first hand to the emotional disassociation you write about and the abuse. That you write it, hopefully is a catharsis for healing.

    I am not practiced in form poetry at all, but the subject matter here in the discipline of pantoum is very well done.



    • WaterChild Reborn silver member
      September 21
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you.

      And yes, writing has been a great comfort and aid in the healing process.


  • Lord Apathy
    September 19

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    Let me first say I am blown away by your perfect use of pantoum form. The formatting is excellent: you even got the number of syllables the same on each line throughout the poem! Forgive me for stressing over such seemingly insignificant details, but I've written a few pantoums before and I know how hard it is to get the right number of syllables, say what you're trying to say, and rhyme on top of it all.

    As for the actual content of the poem, I felt that it had a few parts that were shaky, but I understand that it's hard to phrase certain things when you're restricted by the rigid structure of the pantoum, especially when you have to use the same line twice and mean something different each time. You also used exclamation points, which I felt was a little awkward in a serious work like this. I'm sure you meant to instill a sense of anxiety, but I just got the wrong vibe from them; I felt they shifted the mood a little to much. The word "balm" had a similar effect: it made me think of lip balm. I also didn't understand what you meant by "unnamed storm". Can you explain that? And one last little thing that isn't really a complaint, but just something I noticed: you end all your lines with a period or semi-colon. I might be wrong, and I frequently am, but I don't believe that poems need punctuation like that (unless it's for dramatic effect)

    However, there was a lot that I liked here. I can tell that you are drawing from experiences deep within your past, real pain and real memories, which often tell the most heart-wrenching stories. I also felt a lot of power from the lines "The earth would hold me in her palm/The sky consumed my tiny form". Truly artistic. I also really liked your interpretation of the prompt: something literally tearing your personality apart. When I wrote it I meant it figuratively, but I'm glad to have poets entering my contest who can think outside the box.

    Great job here

    • WaterChild Reborn silver member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for both your compliments and constructive criticisms. On rereading this, I agree that the exclamation points do shift the mood and I will remedy those. As for the rest of the punctuation, it is not meant to separate lines per se but rather sentences and independent clauses. I just managed to keep each line an individual sentence or clause without running into the next line. I felt that it added to the rhythm and flow of the read. I know many poets do not bother with punctuation, but technically one should punctuate in poetry just as one would in prose.

      I'm not sure what you mean by "shaky". Were you referring to certain lines in particular or the entire "feel" of the poem? It is meant to be abstract, especially given the subject matter. If you could let me know specifically what you were referring to I can edit or clarify.

      A "balm" is any agent that is put on a wound to cleanse, heal or protect it. Nowadays it is commonly used in reference to "lip balm" so I can see where your mind would go there, but it is also used in the medical and phamaceutical fields. I felt that it fit what I was trying to convey and am sorry to hear that you found it distracting as well.

      The phrase "unnamed storm" refers to the fact that I was very young at the time of my abuse and did not understand what was being done to me. To be perfectly blunt, "rape" was not in my vocabulary. It was not until years later that I was able to "name" what had happened.

      Thank you for the clappies and for hosting this contest. It has been some time since I motivated myself to compose a pantoum.


  • Suffer-in-silence
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    oh my this is a really sad poem
    but a really good one
    i love it
    i was wondering if you would mind me
    pasting this on my page?
    -rose

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