The dream dripped sunlight
On the rocks and dirt below,
Showing its regal side
For only a moment.
The very soul of what hid beneath
Was uncovered, exposed,
And subjected to change
Just like time itself.
In drifting whispers
The dream spoke,
“You will now hold another form,
The decision has been made
Of my own free will.”
Bowing its head, its soul said,
“Your affliction is ubiquitous,
And so you too suffer
From the perfect flaw.”
I stood by, alone,
And couldn’t disagree.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
i get s wraped up in the work i always forget this aspect....lol
so well deserved....
-
Ok.........
you want me to be critical....
you are going to be very dissapointed.....
i read it and reread it......
heres where you went wrong...horribly wrong......
you didnt bring this to my attention on Sept 15th..........
when it was writen........
head to toe...
top to bottom ..
pure poetry....
in language message,and form.......
I really wanted to find something as not to be repetitive and rosy....
i never dislike a piece because of one thing...
but i count even find that one thing.....
no wonder you wanted this read.........
it holds hints of time and space and self discovery....
this should be spotlighted...but if your not a member...a paying member you cant spotlite someones work....i use to.....but i think when i went to spotlight another one of yours a message came up that only paying members can do so now....
what i would like to say to anyone that is reading this now...
if you are a paying member...
do the masses a favor and spotlight this for this unbelievably fine writer....
in my travels if i speak to a paying member i will ask as a personal favor to me and the the site as a whole to spotlight this....
its just to good for a few comments......
the end had the same effect on me as the begining.....
pure poetic intensity.......
if you would screw up once in a while you would make me feel like a more articulate commentator......
“You will now hold another form,
The decision has been made
Of my own free will.”
I love that....
it has the air of the subject we were just previously discussing....
making a change..excepting that everything is flawed in its perfection...
the perfect flaw is..if we are aware.... knowing and excepting all our beautiful changes and glorious mistakes...in dreams and reality.....aware that..if we are wise....we accept them and learn.
I cant say enough about this...except to say i will turn as many folks on to this brilliant art as much as i can........
you have learned much my brother....about poetry and yourself........
you may think because i use these words so often pertaining to your work that they are habit or meaningless....
im telling you straight from the heart.......
this is like an artifact from an old and wise civilization.....Much time would be spent on this if Socrates or Plato ever read it......
i feel it would take on mouths of discussion from them both...
Fantastic ,
Liam
-
I loved this one!
Your words just seem to sing right off the page as if they were in a symphony.
I am left in awe with this piece.
It was a very powerful read and I enjoyed every word of it.
-Mandi
-
This is interesting. I really like the first verse. I love the imagery of "dream dripped sunlight" and the way the dream, which is to be discarded, only shows its glory for a moment. It is an effective poem about the changing of dreams, the choices we make to abandon our course of action in favor of another. I did find it a bit hard to follow though. I'm not sure what the perfect flaw is or how it factors in, which means I guess Ive failed to grasp the main message of the poem- I guess I'm a little less than perceptive today. But I would like to hear about what the deeper meaning is.
-
I love how the words contradict eachother...perfect flaw... yet they are so truthful when put together, very powerful. well done
~Betrayals
-
Great job
Keep it
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
