I think everyones watching
My emotions are people
My mind is an auditorium
Where everyone likes to yell
I make my announcements
That I'll better myself
Cheers come from the crickets
I hatched a star to get a wish
But I still dont know what's over the fences
The audience sneezes on my dreams
to share the nightmare germs
I feel myself falling with breaking beams
Through my deconstruction I learn
I'll always be built with parts of me
Time is a corpse
living through these hollow experiences
I'll think of the places I'm torn
I'll look back to when age offered easy fixes
My heart has no ears
It doesn't know what its saying
With no fault of my own
I'm in love with what I could've been
But I'll always be on stage
Living my life
I'm on stage
With nowhere to hide
Author notes
[J] u n o 1 0 [1]
A contest entry
- Round 1- Short & Sweet [10 more entries] by as.phy.xi.ate..
1300 points, ended October 27, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - basically anything, enter ! by nous..
400 points, ended November 25, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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"Time is a corpse
living through these hollow experiences
I'll think of the places I'm torn
I'll look back to when age offered easy fixes "
again, an awsome piece, and i love the your wording for pieces. Excellent.
Thank you for entering:]
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Sneezing thats funny, odd, icky, but funny =)
Neat write! I adore the second from last stanza, wonderfully worded
Good Luck
-rKT
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loved it
hope you win as im sure most people on here can relate to this.....how you've put it all into words is truely amazing-a pleasure to read
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hmmm
My heart has no ears it doesn't know what its saying... with no fault of my own i'm in love with what I could've been... " now this is truth is it's most brutally honest.. the subject and structure of the poem are both so unique and beautiful! keep writing..
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Wow! I love it. I can relate and I know what you were feeling when you wrote it. Thanks so much for putting it in words that I could not muster.
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This was great! I liked the picture portrayed. Excellently worded.
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The image of sneezing on your dreams is a really odd one to me. Sneezing is not a particularly terrible or frightening action, it's just kind of gross. Randomly equating nightmares with germs does not help this poem. I would say run with the last stanza about how life is a stage. Describe what that's like, like if you actually had to live on a stage, walking the same floorboards everyday.
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wow, this is a brilliant piece you have written! I can relate easily to this, as I am sure many others can as well. beautiful storyline and metaphor. ok, in simple terms... I really loved and enjoyed this piece, you have a wonderful talent, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
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Wow I love this, I can completely relate, I love this dream! I'm an actress so I definitely love what you've done with this poem! Good luck in the contest!
x
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Very true to life, great metaphors.. I really liked it.
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Very nice poem, and incredibly true metaphor for life.
It definitely isn't the longest poem, but it captures its meaning in it's six verses.
"Time is a corpse
living through these hollow experiences
I'll think of the places I'm torn
I'll look back to when age offered easy fixes"
For me those lines most definitely stand out, they have meaning to me. My poems revolve greatly around time and fate, so I guess I am especially biased towards your poem.
Again, very good, you wrote on a subject I simply adore.
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wow this is absolutely aweosme i love how you made the stage in essense urself im honored to have read it!
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This is a brilliant poem a simple read and yet it leaves a mind racing and questioning many things. A unique poem, and what reads to me as a compelling breakdown of a person who allows idealised visions of where they could go and what they could be to prvent them from ever actually getting anywhere.
This was a great read, I congratulate on a very good poem =]
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This makes me imagine starring in a play, as a once reckless person, now a zombie, forever regreting its actions, all the while forgetting my lines repeatedly as I look out to see the one I can never be with sitting in the front row with nothing of the faintest idea of how I feel, and would never wish to know.
Strange, I know, but aren't we all inside.....
Also, you don't have to waste the time reading any of mine.
Im happy to have read such a great bit of writting.
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wow, this is really amazing, and so different from what i usually read on here. The flow was really well and I can completely relate to where you're coming from on this.
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This is a great poem. I wasn't so sure until I read through it a second time, when I realized how much I really connect with it.
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Wow great poem I realyliked it
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I really like this a lot. The first verse really grabbed me, and it got even better from there. I LOVE
"My mind is an auditorium
Where everyone likes to yell"
what an awesome image, and an awesome turn of phrase, that is terrific, sometimes the mind does seem like that.
This is so good because of the imagery in it, and the metaphors you use- I love the germ image, and the corpse bit. This is really stunning. Great job, and I'm glad I read this!
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this is so heart felt and wonderful.its like living in the open but still hiding who you are.truely beautiful.i loved it!!!
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I LOVED THIS MAN
Very creative and unique there are a lot of very unique writers on this site!
"Time is a corpse
living through these hollow experiences" I think everyones watching
"My emotions are people
My mind is an auditorium
Where everyone likes to yell
I make my announcements
That I'll better myself
Cheers come from the crickets
I hatched a star to get a wish
But I still dont know what's over the fences
The audience sneezes on my dreams
to share the nightmare germs
I feel myself falling with breaking beams
Through my deconstruction I learn
I'll always be built with parts of me" awesome lines really provocative and creative THIS POEM IS AWESOME!
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I really like the line 'Cheers from the crickets' and also 'I'm in love with what I could've been'
This flows really nicely, and I like the comparison of your emotions to people in an auditorium.
Very nice.
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Good job
expressing emotional difficulties of life
Sort of reminds me of a famous poem which could be viewed as an answer to yours: www.panhala.net/Archive/The_Journey.html -
Beautiful. great personification. I lespecially loved this:
My heart has no ears
It doesn't know what its saying
With no fault of my own
I'm in love with what I could've been
How we so often wish, that maybe something could have been done better...
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Very nicely written
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I think there's a lot of potential for the conceit of
"I will always be built with parts of me"
"time is a corpse"
"my heart has no ears"
"I hatched a star to get a wish" --> reminds me of toy vending machines. hm.
to be explored in poems of their own ^^
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I loved your poem... The 3rd and 4th stranzza was my favorites.
Well done!
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i love that 1st stanza; "my mind is an auditorium" brilliant :]
nice write.
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i like this, its really honest.
well done
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lol i need user names when you reserve =p
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I put my username in my AN
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