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When The Thorn Is On The Vine

Once a promising, blooming bright flower

Rose hides under covers, tears streaming down

when father's love became tainted and sour

with blood on sheets and her tiny pink gown


Rose hides under covers, tears streaming down

He said keep secret, don't tell mom his deeds

with blood on sheets and her tiny pink gown

said she fell off her bike, that's why she bleeds


He said keep secret, don't tell mom his deeds

a form of punishment his body now clad

said she fell off her bike, that's why she bleeds

what had she done wrong to make daddy mad


A form of punishment his body now clad

when father's love became tainted and sour

what had she done wrong to make daddy mad

once a promising, blooming bright flower




Author notes

Pantoum
The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines
of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a
new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing
quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.

The design is simple:

Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4

Line 5 (repeat of line 2)
Line 6
Line 7 (repeat of line 4)
Line 8

Continue with as many stanzas as you wish, but the ending stanzathen repeats the second and
fourth lines of the previous stanza (as its first and third lines), and also repeats the third line of
the first stanza, as its second line, and the first line of the first stanza as its fourth. So the first
line of the poem is also the last.

Last stanza:

Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza

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Comments


  • Lord Apathy
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    This was a well done piece. You clearly understand rhythm and syllable count in a rhyming poem, and the topic is serious, not to mention expressed poetically. I felt it was the perfect length too. You did a good job here. My only advice for next time is to capitalize the first letter of each line (a minor detail)


  • WaterChild Reborn silver member
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    yes, the topic is a painful one, but beautifully expressed within this form. well done.


  • sweet arrival gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    your form writing is very good. i know it isn't easy to always say what you want to when having to use form...
    this was difficult for me to read, not because of the words, but the meaning. thats all i can say.
    wonderful work