the hard truth is...

i'm always uncontent unless i have a plan
but a part of me wants to give it all up and be content in chaos
and knowing that i could hand You everything but lose it all
brings me back to regret and i don't want to deal with that
so i'll play games just so i don't have to live with the blame.

i can hold onto grudges just so i can be the judge
knowing i should take a step forward but my pride won't budge
and i'll glance in the mirror and despise what i see
but knowing this still won't change a part of me
because i'm broken and i don't want You to know it
yes i'm broken and i don't want to show it.

i run at the chance to chase meaningless things
and i'll gain more problems that my selfishness brings
i'll expect to be rewarded in the midst of my sin
and then i'll smile and do it all over again

i'll make You promises that are as good as broken
and make false changes so you'll never really know when
i'm miserable in my masquerade
everyone is watching me put on a show but at the end
the crowd is silent and i'm left with no applause

i won't trust You and
i'll push You away and then expect You to take me back
as i pray half heartedly i know that
consitency is the one thing that i lack
i've let fear control me for so long
but now i'm realizing i haven't really been living all along

i'm tired of searching for my own answers
and i'm done circling in my consequences
living barely functioning on my own
i'm ready to make a change
i'm wanting to be pulled closer to love
i can feel myself growing and i'm scared what it will bring
i may not always know how to find my way
but i'll keep looking for Your face up above
because You told me of my place in Your love
and that's where i want to be... is in Your love.