Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Exile

Missing image

 

 

 

She stands and looks toward a distant peak
with thoughts and dreams a thousand miles away,
her forebears’ tribal spirits softly speak;
she listens for the words they have to say.

Her ancestors lived on that rugged land
they fought to win their sacred right to stay,
a simple life was all that they had planned;
she listens for the words they need to say.

She dreams the sweetest wood smoke rising high
and sees the barefoot children run and play,
round totem poles that try to touch the sky;
she listens for the words they long to say.

A white man’s house, her spirit far away,
she cannot hear the words they have to say.




 

Author notes

The picture is called
Cherokee Woman obtained from this web site
http://prettybirdwomanhouse.blogspot.com/2009/06/member-of-cherokee-nation-appointed-to.html


Form. Shakesperean sonnet.
Rhyme scheme abab cbcb dbdb aa
Three four line stanzas and couplet
Iambic pentameter (10 syllable lines).

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 99 of 111     1 2  next >  (show all)

  • Pattiboo silver member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    You know when I see these Indians on their reservations and I think what they have lost, in reality had stolen from them, my heart aches. They call it progress but from the earths point of view I think their way of life was more compatible with nature and the world around them.

    Of course I have nostalgic thoughts about my childhood and the countryside as it was back then - but I wasn't the one working to provide a home or coping without modern any of the conveniences.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      October 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Pat for your comment ... I guess we all have memories that have mellowed with time and age, but I felt when I looked at this picture that maybe she had no memories ... only a longing to return to a life she had only heard about from her ancestors and the poem seemed to write itself.

      Sue

  • Beautifully worded poem.

    I liked the way you took the picture and looked into those eyes
    and described what she was feeling in her heart and soul.
    very creative and an excellent artistry of words.

    xxxRickxxx


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      October 4
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the bronze trophy in your contest, I'm so pleased you liked my poem.

      Sue
      x

  • michael fortuna
    September 21

    Edit | Reply

    Absolutely World Class!!

    This is by far the best piece I have read in hear. Very creative, easy to understand, great detail, well written poem. I loved it.

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading my poem and leaving a comment, I appreciate both and I'm happy you enjoyed the read.

      Sue
      x

  • Silverthought
    September 21

    Edit | Reply

    AWSOME

    very well written....its nice to see something like this.,.,.,very very very good...A1


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 22
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for your comment, I appreciate it very much ...

      Sue
      x


  • individuality gold member
    September 21
    Edit | Reply
    ...


  • MsChrispy
    September 20
    Edit | Reply

    ...

    This is amazing. Thanks for sharing.


  • CoralxxChaos
    September 19
    Edit | Reply
    this is absolutly beautiful and very touching.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and leaving a comment, i appreciate it ... Sue

  • miamigirlno1 gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    So beautiful and sadly true. Don't give up on listening


  • Stats
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    totally took me there

    Brilliance abd bright. This made my concrete hell disappear for a while and thanks for that, you still hear your forefathers speak, i hear them in your words. Thankyou.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment, I'm glad I could brighten your day.

      Sue


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    Superb Plus +

    Ah, yes! Native Americans have more right to live here than the rest of us, because, like myself, most Americans ancestors were immigrants! Very well written, indeed!


  • Cold Blue Eyes
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    Impressive

    Working withing the confines of a sonnet is a challenge and you definitely did a grand job.


  • darell
    September 18

    Edit | Reply

    Poignant

    this was a powerful write which stirs
    the intrigue of season's past in a heart
    of a native ancestry. the whispers of her
    forefathers echo in every hollow place,
    reminding us all of the beauty and sacredness
    of a time long forgotten. Great poem


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your lovely words darell, I'm so glad you enjoyed the message in my poem.

      Sue
      x


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    You have done a wonderful job here of combing a form, and an atmostphere to suit the context of the write! I love the cultural aspects you have put in here. Great write!


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Jackie for your comment and I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

      Sue


  • Kia-Ruko
    September 18
    Edit | Reply
    GOOD JOB! lol


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    When I look at the picture after reading your poem I see a different woman, a survivor, the sole repository of a people, a history.
    It's a good poem, Sue.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Tom for reading and I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem.

      Sue
      x


  • OG Hello Kitty
    September 17

    Edit | Reply

    Touching

    I liked the smoothness of this poem. Well written


  • Garmond gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    I am now left feeling as though the true message of this piece is actually revealed between the lines. As though the message is... she is trying to form or find that connection but she cannot. The repetition of her 'trying' to listen to the wisdom of her cultural past brought this sense to my mind. I am unsure if this is your intended message or not but it gave the poem such a beautiful saddness to me.
    No suggestions... just a thank you for sharing your talent.

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 19
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and leaving a comment ... you are correct in your thinking ... she is confined in a place she doesn't want to be and is constantly searching for a connection to her ancestors, where she knows she will find a peace.

      Thank you so much.

      Sue
      x


  • sgking123 gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    thatwas ane xcellent prtrayal of apersonage that is mprisoned not only in body but also in soul Tou must have reada nd modeled it consciously.a gem of a poem worth reading twice....why cant you visit me i would like your comments dear


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for reading and commenting on this piece, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

      Sue
      x


  • deercatcher
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    This plays like a classical guitar refrain that changes so much by only changing one note in the line. Compelling one to pay attention; to listen to the changes

    And as one who has heard in those quiet moments
    And too many times
    sees blank stares when I repeat the words
    Trying to decide if it is best to still speak
    When you will almost certainly be misunderstood
    and am at a total loss
    To know how to hear again
    The last line crushes
    between finger and thumb


    One suggestion;
    You loose something in the penultimate line...
    you are implying the 'force' that impedes her; and I don't think 'house' is a big enough word to pull it off. Maybe 'rules' or 'world' or 'wounds' or 'age'

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for such a good comment and also for the suggestion as to wordage, but I will stick with what I have put as I feel that the confines of a house are crushing her spirit and believe me the picture really spoke to me.

      Sue
      x


    • cricketjeff gold member
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      I don't agree with your observations on the ending, I "see" a woman who has lost all that she knows and has been given a house and modernity but they are meaningless. It needs no force to keep her captive, her home no longer exists.


  • chantas
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    quietly reflective and gentle.beautiful writing style i enjoyed reading it


  • SignifyingNothing
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very powerful, deeply moving piece. Really, I don't know what to say. This is perfect. It tells a story in exactly the right amount of words, and the rhyme scheme is lovely and really adds to the enjoyment of the poem. Not a false rhyme, not a forced rhyme- just beautiful. Totally gorgeous write- don't change a thing. Thank you for sharing this poem with me


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for such a lovely comment and I'm so glad you enjoyed the read.

      Sue
      x


  • Ink Shadow
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful Elizabethan sonnet, actually a modification of the original ABABCDCDEFEFGG. Imagery is fabulous too!


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 17
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate both, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

      Sue
      x

  • msjuicytech
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Good job... you really took time and concentrated on detailed imagery. Well done.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 16

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment, so glad you enjoyed the poem ... Sue

  • Spoken gold member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    This poem is really great. I like how you looked at the picture and really got into the women's head. She's looks like she watched her dreams float away, and lost touch of her ancestors. This poem is greatly worded and expressed. Excellent job. Keep it up.

    Spoken

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Spoken for a great comment, I felt the picture spoke to me of her thoughts, is all I did was put them on paper

      Sue
      x


  • Bluemonday silver member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    A very clever piece of descriptive writing...Loved the story and the overal balance...Dan


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Dan both for reading and commenting, I'm glad you liked the sonnet.

      Sue
      x


  • My Precious
    September 16
    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done!

  • UnbreakableSoul gold member
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice write, most excellent!
    Great job overall!
    Good luck to you!


  • smitaanand
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is really an exquisite gem of a poem , one I enjoyed .It has an amazing lyrical quality which I loved though I do not know much about sonnets Please forgive my ignore my ignorance and keep sharing your lovely works with us all on AP


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for reading my poem and leaving a lovely comment, I happy that you enjoyed the read ... Sue


  • windsong721
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    Heartbreakingly beautiful!

    Really great piece, its beautiful sadness permiates the reader. It really just moves right thru you. Thanks for sharing this, its truly amazing.
    Windsong

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Windsong for a beautiful comment, it's very much appreciated, I'm so glad you enjoyed the read.

      Sue


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    i really enjoyed this piece these lines are wondeful:

    She dreams the sweetest wood smoke rising high
    and sees the barefoot children run and play,
    round totem poles that try to touch the sky;
    she listens for the words they long to say.

    A white man’s house, her spirit far away,
    she cannot hear the words they have to say.


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 16
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for reading and commenting, it's very much appreciated.

      Sue
      x

  • Bob Fox
    September 15

    Edit | Reply

    Sue

    I wonder how we would see things now if one could change history. Redemption perhaps? But your thoughts are perfectly expressed and fit so well with the picture. Gold time.


  • Ceridwens Soul silver member
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    This one of those times all I can say is WOW!


  • ScottishPrincess silver member
    September 14
    Edit | Reply
    Just beautiful!...Hazel


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 15
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Hazel for you comment, I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem.

      Sue


  • UncleDunk gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    I read this poem yesterday, and thought about it today. I used to date a girl (yes, girl, not woman - it was long, long ago) who lived on a Reservation. This poem brought back the feelings of helplessness I felt then about the whole mess. And it is a mess. You brought those feelings back, my dear, but now what am I to do with them?

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 15
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your comment ... I feel I must apologise for bringing back feelings that you would rather not have ... but then life is full of memories, good and bad.
      I know very little about the Indian tribes, but the look on the woman's face spoke to me of all the things she remembered and all the things she longs for.

      I hope I did them justice.

      Sue
      x


  • condor gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful poem and a beautiful picture to go along with it. This is so sad and the longing for these people to return to their old ways really haunts. Sadly, time cannot be rewound and noone can go back, but one can be given the opportunity to see and live as ones ancestors did. I don't know much about the Indians, but I know their pride will never die. A lovely piece with wonderful flow and rhythm. Thaniks for sharing.

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 15
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I thought the Cherokee woman in the picture had a serene look about her and I wanted to capture what she might have been thinking about. I thought the calm might be tinged with regret and longing for away of life that was no longer available to her or her children.

      I appreciate your comment very much.

      Sue
      x


  • csmmoms2
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    As you know this subject is very close to me. I never thought that you'd take me to the Indian Nations to see the sorrow again. -c

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 15
      Edit | Reply
      I hope you didn't mind me whisking you back to the Reservation for this one Chuck. The Cherokee Woman has a sad grace about her that spoke to me and I had to write about her plight as best I could.

      Thanks for reading.

      Sue
      x


  • Lulu Gee silver member
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderful, powerful face depicts your sonnet Sue.....and you have done the American Indians proud I'm sure. The white man has many sins to atone for and this is one of many....Great words Sue, Proud of you.
    Love Lu x

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply

      <

      Many thanks for reading and leaving a lovely comment Lu.
      I know very little of the Cherokee Indians, but I felt she was with the ancient spirits of her tribe.

      Love
      Sue


  • awannabepoet
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    That is a beautiful little sonnet and what a wonderful message to pass along, it is sad what the white man did to this world, I just don't understand how we came to be so bloody dominant.

    Oh well, at least we can still feel some of the spirits when the eagles fly.

    awannabepoet

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply

      <

      Thank you for your comment, although I am English I hoped my words would reflect what I am sure she is thinking.

      They can capture the body but never the spirit ...

      Sue
      x

      • awannabepoet
        September 14
        Edit | Reply
        Exactly, even though we supposedly tried to give them a place to keep the spirit of thier way of life alive it was always with an eye to stealing it back from them or giving them the worst lands possible in most cases.

        What a shame but then again when you look at what has happened on so many of those reservations it is a shame to see the state of native women across the land.

        I feel badly for them and hope that one day things will be better for all of us.

  • Pattiboo silver member
    September 14
    Edit | Reply

    I still get angry

    when I read or see Indians on reservations because the white man took their land.

    She dreams the sweetest wood smoke rising high
    and sees the barefoot children run and play,
    round totem poles that try to touch the sky;
    she listens for the words they long to say.

    A white man’s house, her spirit far away,
    she cannot hear the words they have to say.

    These lines brought a kind of aching inside as though they applied to me.
    My niece and her husband in Canada get their cigarettes and tobacco from the reservation near them it's cheaper. We went there with them when we visited 20 years ago.

    Beautifully written as always

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks for the comment Pat, it is a terrible thing that has happened to the Native Indians and I wanted to get across the pain that they still feel to this day ... I hope I have.

      Sue


  • BlueEyeWonder1988
    September 14

    Edit | Reply

    nice I like it..

    that took talent now. Me , my grandpa who raised me was a full blood indian and I envied his heritage so, this made me smile and remember him. True, honesty and spiritual intervention that no white folk can understand he would say.

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment and I'm glad that it made you think of your Grandpa with affection. You have a wonderful heritage take care of it

      Sue


  • rollingzen
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    'A white man’s house, her spirit far away,
    she cannot hear the words they have to say.'

    and a Shakesperean sonnet [ Shakespeare... a white man I believe] to express the exile of a Cherokee Woman....hmmm


  • Amera gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    I saw this contest and that beautiful picture and quite frankly I couldn’t think of the appropriate words to do it justice. You my dear friend have done a remarkable job with it. I am so impressed, yo have raised the bar for this contest.

    Love,
    Amera♥

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Amera for your comment, unfortunately I had to remove this from the contest as it wasn't in the form that the contest host wanted, but I felt it stood alone as a poem without the contest.

      Love
      Sue


  • Tigerblood
    September 14
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    A lot of empathy, very well matched poem and photo


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and leaving your comment, I appreciate both.

      Sue

  • Purrsanthema
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem! A beautiful description and interpretation of the photo, and an honest description of the American Indians' plight. It is a prize in itself!

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment, being from England I hoped that I would get across what I felt she was thinking, I hope that I have done that.

      Sue

      • Purrsanthema
        September 14
        Edit | Reply
        I think the general consensus is that you've done so masterfully.


  • Legend silver member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    I realize that such a poem needs to stick to the correct form But this was a time i wanted to read more So much more to be said with this subject matter
    Excellent A real joy to read

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Richard for such a great comment, I may, in time add more to this piece, I'll let you know if I do

      Sue
      x


  • zee91190
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    wow! your poem is really lovely. I love the imagery that you have used!! Excellent work!!


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and leaving a comment, I appreciate it very much.

      Sue


  • arafura gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful! One of your very best works I think. Bravo!


    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you John for such a lovely comment, I appreciate it.

      Sue
      x


  • moonbumps silver member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Ah-this was a very well thought out poem-much time and care has gone on here-not that there isn't anyway!!
    Loved reading and imagining the sad plight of this forlorn and lonely soul.
    xxx Hilly xxx

    • Sue Cardwell gold member
      September 14
      Edit | Reply
      Many thanks Hilly, I'm happy you liked this sonnet and you're right, this did get much time and care as not being American I didn't want to let myself down.

      Love
      Suz
      xxx

1 - 99 of 111     1 2  next >  (show all)