I loved you
And still
Wishes and well thoughts
Of happiness and such
But aching
I'm not her
I've had dreams
Of star lit nights
And fireflies
Dancing on the breeze
I in your arms
Us laughing
But you were always
Out of reach
And so
So I sit here alone
And see you
A you I'd hoped
Would somehow love me
I painted tiny portraits
Of a nonexistent
Shattered dream
With delicate strokes
And vibrant colors
It's all so very
Black and white now
As you with I
in essence
You watched me bloom
If flowers lose their petals
When will I shed you
I loved you
And still
Author notes
If only you knew
A contest entry
- Image and Creative....come and play! by heavenskyy.
790 points, ended October 4, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is good. It does a good job of the category 'if only you knew'... I agree with the other person about the 'A you I had hoped' its awkwardness causes a pause and break in the flow of your poem. I see what you were trying to portray but usually you to remember that if you publish poetry, you won't always be there to explain to people why used A instead of something else...
Usually star lit is has a dash in between.. or else it causes double meanings.. star light the night or starlit night...
Overall I liked it..it shortness and the easy flow with small words but big meanings...
good luck in the contest. -
Lovely...
This is a lovely poem, although sad. There is just one line that seems a bit misplaced. Line 18 reads:" A you I'd hoped". I think there was a typo here. Other then that everything is beautiful, well written, with wonderful flow and full of emotion. I enjoyed reading this.
lilangel'snemesis
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No there is no typo. Read it as..A you I had hoped...As is he isn't quite the same person now.
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Sorry...
Sorry, I understand it now. It just seemed like something more should have went with the "A" like and or something,
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