the air scented with battlefields of decay:
from astral mixtures the blood blooms in rich shades of mildew and furled burnt skin,
I, myself
is so far from my creeping home farther then i have ever been, you left me murdered last morning, left me here amongst the flat lines of dead forests, you kissed my naked velvet skin and wafted my luster but then took me and left me here , to await my decomposition. so far from family so alone from mother and her deep brown life. murdered last morning in my most delicate time of the waning moon, you left me in a place of the decaying so far from my mother that is.
You left me dead and lost
murdered last morning, but by tonight it will end me.
Author notes
hmm
A contest entry
- murdered by morning by Randomly Beautiful.
400 points, ended October 8, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
suggestions? criticism, thoughts, likes dislikes..
Comments
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Very different. Thank you for taking time to enter.
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I found this by clicking on the "random" button. You have some interesting ideas here, and a fresh approach to technique. If you feel it needs more work, may I suggest that you follow Mayakovkiy's classic advice: Put it away for 6 months and then come back to it and revise it - if you still think it needs revision!
And, even if you cannot bring yourself to do this, but VERY cautious about whose advice to take! It is all too easy for a poem to be "workshopped to death". This piece speaks with an authentic voice - yours... Please keep it so! -
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thank you, i think ill do that
maybe not 6 months but, it still needs work of some kind
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