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Seduced in Silver Seas (Shakespearean sonnet)

Missing image
Round these shores of fabled spells do I seek;
For it is thee who leaves myne harte entranc'd.
From fathoms 'neath, myne soul prepar's to speak;
Canst thou reveal thyself where thou once danc'd?


O'er diamond waves lapping, e'er do I trace--
Yet, 'tis a noontide gem that elud's me,
Whilst thy symphony coils to moon's embrace;
Thou hast lur'd me to this ivory sea.


So mayst thou be what so many proclaim,
I do hear thy song, dress'd in translucence;
And with ease, in silver seas, do thee tame;
In melody, do I crave thy presence--


Softly lapping--e'er tracing thee agleam;
Tis thee I see, aswirl in moonlight's beam.



Author notes

This was written from a seafaring mariner's point of view. Just as the fabled legends speak of sirens luring sailors to their icy deaths through temptation and song, this is yet another mariner who is destined to meet his fate in silver seas.

An English sonnet is a poem, consisting of 14 lines, with each line in 10 syllables. Its rhyme scheme includes 3 quatrains, rhyming abab, cdcd, and efef, followed by a couplet, rhyming gg. The concluding couplet is where there needs to be some final closure in the poem.

Olde English is something I enjoy writing. Use of the words "my heart" ("myne harte" in Olde English), is often considered to be overused in modern poetry, but it works really well in old poetry.

Art credit: unknown

A contest entry

Please feel free to offer constructive comments, as I welcome those.

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    October 12

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    Beautifully done...

    Enchanting use of classical english wrapped in an enthralling narrative with such wonderful imagery that moved me in its depth...
    Oh and flawless rhyme that completes a perfect sonnet...
    To write a sonnet is alas still on my poetic to do list... But your wonderful example of form teaches me much...
    Impressive as always...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • sweet arrival gold member
    October 4

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    so romantic and very well done in an old-tongued english (not sure what the proper term is... sorry, i'm ignorant in that area) writing it that way weaves the backdrop within the poem itself. enjoyed this immensely.


  • DinkyDiver gold member
    October 2

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    wow that picture is gorgeous!!
    Reminds me of when I was a child... I always dreamed that mermaids were real and to this day I still hope that they could be real... we will never know hehehe

    I really love the magic vocab in this write; Gorgeous and I wish I could write as beautifully

    Truly enchanting piece !!

    a well deserved bornze there sweetie ... wowee I liked reading this a lot xxx DD


    • Knight70 silver member
      October 3
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      Thank you!

      For a week, I tried to write a sonnet for this mermaid contest, and never came up with one line. Finally, I got past my writer's block in time before the contest closed. English sonnets can be written in Olde English, or modern contemporary; it's just a matter of preference for the poet. Shakespeare wrote somwhere around 180 English sonnets. I had to read a lot of old poetry by Shakespeare and John Keats to get a handle on writing Olde English. It's an artform on itself.


      Don


  • iamthebeatles
    September 28
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    I love your work. This piece is lovely, the old English language is so splendidly done. It really adds an unforgettable edge to your sonnet. Your pen is magic.

    Peace
    Cassie


    • Knight70 silver member
      September 28
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you so much, Cassie.

      I loved writing this poem. I love writing in Olde English, so the English sonnet really hits the spot for me.

      By the way, I just saw a BEATLES Monopoly game the other day that reminded me of you.

      Don


      • iamthebeatles
        September 28

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        BEATLES MONOPOLY!! I need this!! but first i need to save my bread so I can purchase Beatles ROCK BAND! Thanks of thinking of me and btw old English really suites your writing style.


  • PastelMoons gold member
    September 19

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    How very enchanting
    You have mastered the sonnet, my friend.
    I do not tire of reading them
    One of my fav lines- 'Canst thou reveal thyself where thou once danc'd?'
    So beautiful and the imagery
    is sheer magic!
    Thanks for sharing
    and best wishes in the contest!

    ~Pastel


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    September 16

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    You truly are mastering the old language in your sonnets my friend. Nicely done. Can you just imagine that swirly in moonlight gleam? I love mermaids. This is quite well done. ~Pamela

  • Bruce silver member
    September 15

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    WOW!

    What an awesome write; I think you're brave just to attempt this, but you carried it off manificently, and in Elizabethan English!


  • ennovy silver member
    September 13

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    WOW! I love the old english written sonnet
    what a wonderful poem.....thank you
    for entering our contest...novy & Brazos


  • individuality gold member
    September 12

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    a good poem penned with a fine pen, ah the old language rippling forth into today's modern world, poetry, the branches of language spreading through the melodic ripples of sensuality.


  • Brazos silver member
    September 12

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    Beautiful sonnet, and I loved the fact that you wrote it in "old" english as well. Thank you for entering, and good luck in our contest.

    Novy & Brazos


  • Denerica silver member
    September 12

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    Intriguing and fanastic decription to the images in your write. Once again brilliant, excellent write. Blessings.


  • glenn shannon silver member
    September 12
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    stunning and brilliant way clever pen and mind


  • SteveS gold member
    September 12

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    The needle on the beautiful meter is about to snap! Really nice poem. I liked the internal rhyme and the language of the knights. Well done, my friend.

1 - 20 of 20