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Moment

By a fountain, on hill side top,
behind a cathedral long forgot.
Moon bids welcome, if stars could cry,
they shoo away clouds from the midnight sky.
After so long, could time soon be missed
from that innocent moment, innocent kiss.
Here climb the two, stars re-read their play,
had fate not pre-written this moment this day.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Marc-Andrews
    September 12

    Edit | Reply
    You've really fitted loads of things into the 8 lines of this, you've set the scene, you've built the atmosphere and you have gotten your message across. Out of all your recent works, I have to say I am currently most impressed by this one.
    I really hope you keep your works set out like this, it's easy to the eye, it's easier to understand, and there isn't any cryptic about it, it's there and out in the open.


    • Sam-I-Am
      September 13
      Edit | Reply
      Erm... it is cryptic. There are loads of different references to this, in this and around it.


  • Ashly
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    This is BEAUTIFULLY written. I absolutely love everything about it. Bravo.


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    September 12
    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful. The imagery is wonderful, and it flowed quite nicely. Thank you so much for entering.