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Fall Flying

I walked the shady cobblestone
In limbo if you will.
No other moment in my life
Has felt so stale and still.

Between two chapters in my life,
Afraid to turn the page,
I felt a captive bird now perched
Upon my open cage.

Afraid to fly, afraid to stay,
But knowing I must go.
Entreated and enchanted by
The Autumn breeze's blow.

My heart was sure those winds of change
Would whisk away my strife.
So with the change in season comes
Change also in my life.

Now while the leaves will die and fall
And other things decay.
I'll ruffle all my feathers and
Prepare to fly away.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Emmyb gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    excellently said. this is great and im pleased you won gold too
    no wonder its a popular poem.

    Emma


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    yes this is beautiful!!

    Love and blessings

    Rend


  • Emerald Lass
    October 2

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    Bandits UNITED

    Well said, most certainly! I especially like the last stanza... a wonderful metaphoric message that made me smile. Nature poems are among my favorites and this one is lovely.


  • Haiku-bless-you silver member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    This is a very well written Poem of change and adptation and survival. Your thoughts flow so fluidly with easy to relate to feelings. Lovely blend of nature and life in this piece. Well Done! Congrats on the Gold Trophy !
    Write on!

    You have been Spotlighted by your poetic Bandit family today because WE CARE!

    Brother Dennis


  • azure85 gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    A very moving poem, blending the emotions from within and nature into a meaningful poem. It was lovely to read, and I am so glad you got the gold trophy!

  • Bandits United!

    I liked the way you developed the extended metaphor in this poem. The language is precise and well-chosen and the poem has great flow. I'm not surprised this won a gold trophy - it is a poem with great vision and one that many people can relate to.

  • judmc
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED ! ! !

    Quite a neatly rhymed written and unusual autumn tribute poem I like how you equate the seasons with life. Well done and congrats.on the gold

  • Bandits United!

    No wonder you won that Gold! This has such a melodious flow, beautiful content, imagery & word choice. The metaphor is fine & it's as if you've written a Sonnet about fall & life at the same time. This is really well done.
    I have some suggestions for the presentation of this...I'll send them on later. Congrats on the trophy!


  • ronnica
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    Bandits United
    The rhyme flows beautiful, through your words, life is changing with the seasons from stale and still to the urge to fly, an Autumn high.


  • Twinstar
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!!

    This is just beautiful! a wonderful tribute to Autumn, the season I love the most. Awesome rhyme and rhythm. I love it!

    Love & light
    Debbera


  • Desire gold member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!

    Oh My this is a Beauty and Love the Images
    You paint with Your words~
    Excellent take on the prompt~
    Adore the rhyme too

    Congratulations on Your shiny!
    -throws confetti-
    Woot~

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent
    Best wishes in all You do
    with love & light~ Desire~*~


  • SamanthaSam gold member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    Very beautiful and imaginative. So creative you are with this. I loved it. The methaphors and rhythm, everything, was perfect. One of the best poems I have read in a while. Congrats on being picked by The Bandits. Have a great day and keep penning.
    Sam I Am


  • Dragonbabyx3
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!!!

    WOW! Brilliant work on this! A well deserved Gold! the imagery you created here was perfection! It was smooth, and easy to read. I loved the rhythm, and rhyme of this piece! You have done an excellent job! I love Autumn as well, Everything seems crisp, yet not frozen! Great work! and congrats!

  • mcheadle
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    Very cleaver, and you recieved Gold how great for you. This is what happens when you do good work...mac


  • BluesMan gold member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    Congrats on a well deserved Gold. Great rhyme and meter. I found myself reading it out loud. This was a pleasure to read and a refreshingly different take on Autumn.

    Bill


  • DinkyDiver gold member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits united!

    I really like the loose rhyme scheme! Makes it flow extremely well! The beginning draws the reader in automatically! I can picture a bird ready to migrate because of the change in season! Beautiful imagery! Sometimes I wish i was a bird ;-)
    A well deserved gold! Enjoy your spotlight hun x x DD


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    Congratulations on the Gold

    This is such a wonderful Autumn poem I love the imagery that comes through - sighs -
    the third stanza is my favourite Stunning rhyme too


    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • glenn shannon silver member
    September 19
    Edit | Reply
    loved this brilliant in word and rhym very clever cheers and congrats on a well deserved gold

  • Eusebius
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful, brilliant, enchanting, mesmerizing as is much of your poetry... as I have long claimed you have the magical knack of and for poetry... and yes, I loved it...


  • Kiran silver member
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    Your poetry always flows so well and is such a joy to read! The imagery was brilliant. A marvellous poem


  • Amera gold member
    September 13
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    This poem simply dances with precession meter. What a delight to read aloud as you paint the image so originally.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Sokarjo
    September 13

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    Perfect! So very beautiful in every way, a sublime work of poetry. Breathtaking and delightful to read. I'll read it more than once, to be sure. I think I will bookmark this as well. I praise your incredible ability to pen words the heart understands so well...

    S


  • Still Standing gold member
    September 12

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding!

    Wow. I love where you took the prompt here and you really made my heart skip a beat. This indeed is a work of art and touched me in ways I can't begin to explain. Amazing work. Good luck and thanks for entering!

  • RWayne
    September 12

    Edit | Reply

    Very tight and thoughtful

    Beautifully tight meter and rhyme with this poem. You also did a nice job with giving a fresh paint job to an old metaphor (the bird needing to fly). The only line that I would suggest tinkering with would be the final line of stanza #4 which seemed a little forced to me. I would suggest something like "so with the changing season comes some changes in my life." Any way you look at it, this is a very nice write and you show a very developed sense of structure and metaphor. Nice job.

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