This aimless drift upon windswept sea,
bound in streams hidden from the eye
in a search for truth, a found destiny.
We are born alone into a mystery
a tangled knot retied as time defies
this aimless drift upon windswept sea.
We reach for strings of a greater story,
answers to the fears we try to deny.
In a search for truth, a found destiny,
a pride to grow the things we wish to see,
leads to an edge, many saddened goodbyes.
This aimless drift upon windswept sea,
the days we must endure, price of liberty,
the winding paths of life we must yet try
in a search for truth, a found destiny.
In love, we create a lasting memory,
in care, a place in a dawn colored sky;
this aimless drift upon windswept sea
in a search for truth, a found destiny.
Author notes
an abandoned ship sways in the waves of a sea, without destination
In a list
A contest entry
- The Empty Boat by bachelorette.
975 points, ended September 19, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The comma in line 5 seems like an odd place to take a pause. For consistency, lines 7, 12, 13, and 16 should have a commas at the end (?).
Struggling to sail forward through life without lights, a man in the crow's nest, or a fog horn is definitely how it feels. We mostly just have to go with the flow. And speaking of flow... wonderful. The rhythm was flawless and fluid and this is a fine example of why I adore the villanelle form. I also think your alteration (the stanza breaks) works beautifully and makes this a villanelle with attitude. Thanks for entering.
-K
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Yes, I have some special guidance with the line breaks, an idea I got from reading Mariza Goes -to my eyes has mastered that idea - it can add a lot of expression and flow to a villanelle. Thank you for your kind words, and even more for the edits, I will try them, I think they work well...thanks for all...PK
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Very good Villanelle! The refrains worked amazingly well, giving a nice and smooth rhythm to the verses.
Well done with this poem
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Thank you Mari-
It is good to try these from time to time, it feels like a new thing, one day I hope to be as good at it as you are...thanks for all...h
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