See that sappy looking dame at the end of the bar, the curly haired
angel powdering her nose and admiring herself in that two-bit compact of hers?
She’s my best customer, kid—comes here every night—comes for
one reason and one reason only, and it’s not to find something
she lost or willingly gave up, be it a lover, a reason, a rhyme.
Your job here is to push cheap rye, keep everyone’s glass full, see?
You’ll make good dough, kid, but the dames will be your best perks.
Fill their bellies with cheap cognac and their heads with sweetness,
make them giggle for a while, then take ‘em home and
give ‘em what they really come here for.
That dame I was telling you about, hell, I had me one just like her,
but she burned me and burned me good; then
left me standing at a train station, hissing like a hot coal in the rain,
holding two tickets to hell, playing sick boy to a piano player who
followed me around like an overly concerned heart doctor.
Look, kid, I’m no good at being fatherly, but it is how it is:
stick your head out whenever she asks you to; then stick her good,
but don’t be a sap: don’t stick your heart out for nobody.
Author notes
Prompt: "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
Casablanca(1942), Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), Ilsa Lazlo(Ingrid Bergman), Victor Lazlo(Paul Henreid).
I hate the double negative at the end; changed it to "anybody," but that didn't sound like something Rick would say, so "nobody" it is
A contest entry
- I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen. (movie quotes) by Eddie Ecstasy.
700 points, ended September 16, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Good advice there at the end! You know... you are probably one of the best prose writers on this site! Your words always flow so naturally and you sure are a storyteller
-
A realness to a real world, your words are so free and yet bitterness shows.
I could see the character's in my head and the picture before me as if i was there.
A perfect free-verse of the imperfect raw.
I love the old classic style.
Of course that appeals to me.
Really good!
~Lisa~
-
What a sad write this is. Kind of makes me wonder where the hell you have been playing. I have been off for a while here and there and it has been a long time since I have got around to reading your pieces. A little different from your normal run of the mills pieces which are always charged and full of power. This one was so different but it was also full of power in a different way. it told of a soul that was hurtin' and he wanted to make sure noone else got hurt. Sad how things work. it goes both ways and it takes a lot to understand the reasoning behind it. I really did enjoy this much filled feeling piece. I wish you the very best in the contest.
-
-
Thank you for your kind words, my good friend, good to see you. I haven't been around much either lately, been dealing with some issues...About this piece, well, I didn’t write it to express my views or feelings; rather, I wanted my speaker to sound like Rick Blaine, as bitter as Humphrey Bogart makes him sound in Casablanca, so your analogy is correct.
-
-
this is my favorite write by you so far man, damn it!
so fucking real
I wanted to take her home
but realize now why I didn't
man
should read this
nights that I go out
-
ah a giggle was what I needed this morning and you always make me smile, still giggling a grea write in perfec persona
-
I so enjoy reading your muse Vito, your stories are great and you put so much into so few lines, a talent like any other on here. There is such a great voice in this as well as your other writings. I say BRAVO!
-
"stick your head out whenever she asks you to; then stick her good,
but don’t be a sap: don’t stick your heart out for anybody."
Owch. Never been said better.
Your my type of 'daddy'
-
Wow, I loved this so much. I love the wording in this. This was an absoluely amazing poem. Thank you for entering, good luck.
-
-
Thank you for hosting and for the gold and sorry for the delay...been dealing with some medical issues here, so I haven't been on much
-
-
I can feel the curious tone of the story line and the description of the character you depicted withe the content as well..this is very wonderful one..love it..
-
As always you make me smile
wonderful take love
been missing you guy
Good luck
Love ya
Passions
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
