born of my blood

Lost for the longing of love long gone by,
this heart's inability to shed tears
leaves me questioning my humanity.

Waiting in turmoil for decions made,
waves toss me asea while all is adrift
and my life is co-dependency's worst.

Naught but indecision rules this dark mind
where nightmares are lived out during long days
and restless sleep keeps me exhausted there.

Remembering childhood, I tremble
for that is where I learned these traits displayed.
Yet, now I hold responsibility...

I don't know how to break cycles I own
(unless they belong to a washer set)
nor do I know how to re-balance them.

I am lost in this ocean and drowning,
my refusal to decide suffocates
as it chokes me in my own vileness.

Victim to the world, I have always been
but now I want to be a survivor-
one of my own making, born of my blood.

Shaking, even as I write these words here,
I realize this is the first step taken
and I am now on my way to freedom.