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Taken (An Arkquain Swirl)

Take
me with
your thoughts of
our forever.

~o0o~

Take me into the
farthest reaches of your mind
soothe me there and leave me blind
with your warm notions.

~o0o~

Take me in your
dreams as you
invite
sleep,
create
visions of
us together.

~o0o~

Images become
technicolor as you drift
deeper into night’s sweet gift
where love is destined.

~o0o~

Take me with the
soft sound of
your voice
shhh...
I hear
you as you
call out to me.

~o0o~

Drawn by the sound of
your melodic concerto
flowing through my heart’s window
on the evening breeze.

~o0o~

With whispered words
your love has
taken
me.

Author notes

Form created by Arkbear

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • sideways hourglass
    September 11

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Laura.

    This is actually quite beautiful.


  • Arkbear gold member
    September 11
    Edit | Reply

    ....yes....you do need all the slender shape here.....and the aesthetics of a Swirl....that is what makes this a challenging Form......as I stated...lovely message and lots to ponder....I believe your reviewer has missed the point of this Form....just MHO

    Bear -


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    September 11
    Edit | Reply
    I have to admit - i truly hate this form, it's one of the worst I've ever attempted. I clicked you from featured by accident...& I'm glad i did. You made this form your own and gave it emotion, infact, you took away the form altogether and gave us an expressive piece of poetry that would be perfect as a free verse piece. You don't require a slender shape and lots of fancy shit inbetween stanzas...they distract from the emotion & that is what makes this poem successful.

    Laura.

    • Arkbear gold member
      September 11
      Edit | Reply
      ....as stated in my review to the Poet....message is lovely and lots to ponder....and you are wrong about needing all the slender shape....you have missed the point of this Form, Laura...sorry Bear -


      • Laura Lamarca gold member
        September 11
        Edit | Reply
        i'm entitled to my opinion & that, quite simply, is what i voiced.

        • Arkbear gold member
          September 11
          Edit | Reply
          ....of course you are ....but please take into consideration the Form itself.....it is not called a Swirl for nothing....and this Poet has missed the mark a tad.....not bad....but still could use some inprovement on Aestheics....and this Poet was going for her best....so I answered her question from a personal IM which you never saw.....I did not critique it to be mean -

          She IM'd me and asked if she could try out the Form for the Shape of it.....therefore....you missed the point behind my honest critique of her attempt and missed the conversation behind the scene -

          • Laura Lamarca gold member
            September 11

            Edit | Reply
            there is no cause for you to explain and justify anything to me, like i already said - i was voicing my opinion & to do that, i need only read what i clicked into & not what was said in private. words require no fancy pictures to be beautiful or expressive...poetry is art in and of itself without fancy enhancements. like i said and will repeat - i am entitled to my opinion. now if you'd like to continue this discussion, please do so in IM...otherwise what we're doing can and will be perceived as disrespectful to this poet.

            • Arkbear gold member
              September 11
              Edit | Reply
              .....no reason to continue.....and thank you for your great review on this Poets attempt at an Arkquain Swirl

              Blessings,

              Bear -


            • DrkPoet
              September 11
              Edit | Reply
              No disrespect from either party at all, I am most appreciative for both comments. I love to do forms of any kind and found this one to be quite intriquing so it's most helpful to have comments both on the form itself and the content of it as well. So my sincere thanks to both of you for taking the time to read what I've penned.


  • Swan song gold member
    September 10
    Edit | Reply
    i like this form and i believe you did if very well Wow!!! nicely done!

  • Arkbear gold member
    September 10

    Edit | Reply

    I will give you an honest critique off the board -

    Tighten up your Form....it was created as Art....just as the Ancestors gave their Masters centuries ago if they could not pay their Taxes -

    Choosing the correct words to create the Forms Aesthetics is 99% of the challenge with this Form -

    Your syllable count is spot-on....greta job there! 

    Also...Give credit for Form in your Authors' Notes

    Bear -

    PS.....Lovely message and lots to ponder -

    Your rhyme is splendid and your visuals are gorgeous......over-all.....tighten up your Form

1 - 11 of 11