Realisation……

Riddled with doubt inside my minds eye.
Worrying and fretting and I don’t know why.
I cant put my finger on just what it is.
But there’s definitely something genuinely amiss.
What’s wrong in my head? I must figure it out.
I try not to panic but I just want to shout.
I’m gritting my teeth with my head in my hands.
My sanity has eroded like the seas on the sands.
Where did it go wrong? Why cant I keep track?
What can I do to help claw my way back?
My thoughts wont stop racing not even in bed.
I’m shackled and imprisoned inside my own head.
My friends all say chill, that I should go with the flow.
I just sit and resent them as they’ll never know.
Days no longer count they all blur into one.
Would anybody notice if I was simply just gone?
Suicide is painless, that’s what the song says.
But how best to end it? There’s so many ways.
Tomorrow ill do it, ill no longer wear chains.
No more will I worry, ill be cleansed of my stains.
Positive in my choices and confident I’m right.
I’m strangely quite calm as I lie down for the night.
As I drift off to sleep a weird thought fills my head.
Its that this time tomorrow I plan to be dead.
Just then I sit upright with a tear in my eye.
Suddenly I’m scared and I ask myself why.
What the hell am I doing? I’m not playing a game.
This would shatter my family and cause them such pain.
I‘d be so damn selfish if I carry out my task.
There’s people that can help, I just have to ask.
Its then that I realise things were never that bad.
Why did my thoughts become dominant and sad?
My life is my own and I must take control.
Climb out of the mire and let light in my soul.
Slowly but surely I can find my way back.
I was never to far off that well beaten track
There’s just one thing that I will gladly let stay.
It’s the knowledge that I was only one day away.